And yes, I’ve been there. Caught between the “we’re just friends” and “I miss you” texts. We don’t date we orbit each other, waiting for one person to admit they care more. Dating many people is now normal, almost expected. One for the deep convos, one for the vibes, another for attention. It sounds fun until your emotions are split in four directions and no one texts you back.

Soul ties? Oh, they’re real. You can laugh about it, deny it, act like that one night didn’t mean anything but it does. You move on, but somehow their laugh, their scent, or the way they said your name lingers. It messes you up when you’re trying to “heal” but still stalking their highlights at 2am.

Let’s not even talk about the wild things girls do for love like booking surprise flights, sending M-Pesa, becoming unpaid therapists, all in the name of “I know he loves me deep down.” Sis, he doesn’t. But we’ll justify it because love, even confusing love, feels better than none.

Then there’s the pain. You think you’re just chilling, catching vibes, and suddenly you’re crying over someone you were never officially dating. Heartbreak without closure hurts in a way that messes with your self-worth. But you pretend you’re unbothered on your Insta stories while your Spotify playlist tells another story.

Still, somewhere in this chaos, we crave real love. The kind that’s safe, honest, and intentional. We want peace. We want someone to choose us loudly in a world full of half-efforts and mixed signals.

So here I am, learning that love isn’t about games or chasing people who can’t choose me. It’s about choosing myself first, healing the mess, and waiting for someone who doesn’t flinch at the word “forever.” Until then, I’ll keep loving loud, living soft, and leaving when I’m no longer valued.

Because Gen Z might play, but we also feel deeply. And that’s something no situationship can ever take away.

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We traveled to new places, capturing memories with countless pictures that still bring a smile to my face. There were spontaneous road trips, late-night talks under starry skies, and the thrill of discovering each other’s worlds. The intimacy was intense and confusing—new for me, exciting and raw. I was still innocent in many ways, learning to navigate love and desire all at once.

Our relationship was filled with laughter and warmth. He taught me to take risks, to live in the moment. I let my guard down, trusting him fully, believing this was the start of something lasting. Those good times felt endless, and for a while, it was pure happiness.

But amidst the laughter and fun, heartbreak quietly crept in. When he stopped calling, I was left wondering what went wrong. I cried over unanswered messages and empty promises. The weight of the pain made me lose myself. I lost weight, felt depressed, and struggled with loneliness. Months passed with me trying to heal while he moved on easily, never once giving me a second chance. I learned he had fallen for someone else, and that realization crushed me.

The age difference, though just a few years, was a barrier. He was a millennial who seemed okay with fleeting love, while I, a Gen Z, wanted something deeper but was still learning how to love myself. That gap made the heartbreak harder to understand and accept.

Still, I cherish those memories; the adventures, the laughter, the innocent moments where I believed in us. Yes, I was naive. Yes, I was broken. But I also learned what it means to love and lose.

Now, I’m healing and growing. I know heartbreak doesn’t define me. I’m ready to write the next chapter—stronger, wiser, and ready to love again on my own terms.

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Along this path, I’ve encountered the complexities of jealousy, the pain of drifting apart, and the profound value of those who remain.

The Subtle Sting of Jealousy

There was a time when a close friend’s success stirred an unexpected emotion within me—jealousy. It wasn’t that I wished them ill; rather, I felt a pang of inadequacy, questioning my own achievements. This silent, seething emotion can erode relationships when unaddressed, leading to resentment and emotional stagnation. Experts suggest that acknowledging and managing such feelings through introspection and clear communication is crucial to preserving friendships.

I’ve learned that jealousy often stems from our own insecurities. Recognizing this, I began to celebrate my friends’ successes genuinely, understanding that their achievements didn’t diminish my worth. This shift not only strengthened our bond but also fostered personal growth.

When Paths Diverge

Not all friendships withstand the test of time. I’ve experienced the heartache of drifting apart from someone I once considered inseparable. Signs like one-sided effort, lack of support, or consistent negativity became apparent. Therapists emphasize that it’s natural for friendships to fade, especially when they no longer contribute positively to our lives.

Ending a friendship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for personal well-being. Letting go allowed me to create space for relationships that are nurturing and reciprocal.

Cherishing the Lifelong Bonds

Amidst the ebb and flow of friendships, there are those rare connections that endure. These friends are the ones who celebrate our highs, support us through lows, and accept us unconditionally. Our bond is built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine happiness for each other’s successes.

Maintaining such friendships requires effort – regular communication, empathy, and shared experiences. But the rewards are immeasurable. These relationships provide a sense of belonging and stability, enriching our lives in profound ways.

Embracing the Journey.

Friendships are dynamic, reflecting our personal growth and life circumstances. By understanding the emotions that influence our relationships, like jealousy, and recognizing when to hold on or let go, we navigate the intricate dance of human connection.

In embracing the seasons of friendship, I’ve found that each relationship, whether fleeting or enduring, offers valuable lessons. They shape who we are, teaching us about love, resilience, and the beauty of shared human experience.

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Women are now empowered to a point they can now stand with pride and speak out their views. Thanks be to the likes of suzzan B and Lucy stone.

However, there are those roles or things that we can’t keep fighting for equality till forever, they are the reality and facts of the society which have to be respected.

It’s the role of a man to chase a woman. It’s not just about his role but this is one way he proves his status as the man and a way to earn respect and readiness for future responsibilities.

No man wants to feel inferior that’s why they will try with all means to raise their ego. When a man is ready and willing to court a lady, he will follow all steps till the last stage which is marriage.

He will spot his prey, stalk her then probably approach her, exchange contacts or social handles, then the rest he gives luck to his charm.

Is it wrong for a lady to express her feelings?

There are ladies with guts to disclose their feelings to a man they have interest in. It is not a bad thing. It’s good when one is being real on maters of emotions and ideas.

But before doing this probably you should consider asking yourself; How far do I want this relationship to go.

It’s natural to the male species to hunt. They love being on the run to get what they want. The pinch of the reality is, the harder they chase or try to win a lady the harder they find it to lose or let go of the lady.

To be interested in a man is not a crime at all and no one will direct a bullet into your skull. The act of trying to persuade him is what affects it all, give him the chance to show interest in you and try to win you.

The moment you choose to do the vise versa he ends up looking down on you as a desperate soul. He might end up taking advantage of the fact that you are into him, at this point he can do anything to your brittle heart but you won’t see it and will be ready to keep forgiving him.

Baby girl let no one lie to you that it’s okay to chase a man, the ones that want it at ease will lose it the same way they got it. They give respect to their sweat.

They are wired to believe that whatever comes easy is not worth their time and emotions. worst of all not worth their respect.

The post They Love the Chase appeared first on .

1.BE CLEAR WITH HER.

If you are looking for miss right out there or you just need your lady to feel all good and a bag of chips, be certain on what you want with her. Clarity is key She will feel empowered and this helps you both to immense into complete happiness. As j. cole once twitted “Lack of communication leaves too much room for imagination. Communicate your feelings, never assume anything and your relationship will end up being an ‘I do’ journey.

2. LISTEN TO HER

A lady who feels like her opinions and interests are put into consideration will feel relaxed and we all know some women even prefer being respected than being loved. Not that she doesn’t want those midmorning calls just to be told ‘I love you’ by her mans, but listening to your lady’s ideas and putting her thought into consideration is a whole other kind of intimacy.

3. DON’T THINK OF SEX ALL THE TIME

You don’t need to think of sex every time you are with your girl. She will find it attractive when she sits with her mans and have deep thoughts, talk about the future and all. There are different kinds of connection yet mind connection seems to be the rarest of them all and when you just get it, it’s impossible to leave it. Guys focus on having the rare things in a relationship right and the others will follow.

4. MAINTAIN THE CONSISTENCY

Security in a relationship is all about consistency. A lady will stretch the same energy you give her. True, she is an incubator and it will make such a good relationship when you come out with the same energy all the way. Whether it’s your first year or your third year, you must make sure that she feels as loved as the first time you met her. I am not saying there won’t be ups and downs but I mean, if you are meant to be, it will not be a tedious task to keep up with the same direction you started with.

5. DON’T LET HER FEEL LONELY

Guys! guys! guys! listen up! Being present in your relationship is a necessity. I mean, why would you want to be in a relationship yet you don’t show who you are in your fullness? The worst fault you could do in a relationship is to let your mamma feel lonely. That means you must knock the door with all you got. Don’t hold back and you will see how interesting your relationship will be.

6. LEAD THE RELATIONSHIP.

Men naturally are leaders. Don’t argue with me. You have more responsibility to carry on. Lead your relationship. No lady likes a man who cannot decide on anything for both of you. It is very intriguing for a lady when her king says ‘we are going for dinner tonight’ other than ‘can we go for dinner tonight?’ you see the difference, don’t try to give your munchkin room to see your lack of direction. I speak for all ladies when I say, there is something attractive with a confident man. it’s not that she likes a ‘bad boy’, it’s the confidence he has that ignites her sparks.

7. BE HONEST WITH HER

What can’t a lady give for honesty? I mean, an honest man is just close to God. She wants to know what are your genuine thoughts. She wants to fully trust you and guys, everything in a relationship is given other than trust. You have to earn your queen’s trust. why don’t you be open and give her information that will satisfy her curious mind? When a lady doesn’t get answers to what she is asking, her mind starts to perambulate and you don’t want to give your lady space to think because most likely, she will overthink.

8. PAY ATTENTION TO HER

I have sat with my girlfriends and I have heard the phrase ‘he doesn’t get me’ more times than I would ever want to hear. I mean, men. What happened to paying attention to her? She just wants to be seen, to be heard. It goes from knowing her favorite candy to knowing her future dreams and interest. Nothing turns on a girl when her mans gets her a bottle of water as he goes to get his without even asking. Show that you care. I mean, it is just that simple, you don’t need to go overboard to impress your pumpkin. Even giving her a nickname.

9. BE ROMANTIC

She loves sex as much as you do. She wants you to grab her by the waist and hug her from behind. She wants her hair messed up. She likes it when you give her kisses especially neck and forward kisses. She wants to feel the romance. Keep it interesting in the bedroom and in the relationship generally. It’s all she is asking for. Treat her as you are trying to win her heart all over again.

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Whilst this is not an Andrew Kibe nor Jordan Peterson masculinity colloquy, it would be best to dissect some truth in this month of love.

It’s with no doubt that the number one reason that men start acting weird on Valentine’s day is because a bigger percentage of people believe men should be the ones spoiling their women on this day. And the second reason could be multitasking (having two partners at the same time). I’m not sure which one holds much weight.

What I’m sure of is where love finds cradle two efforts must be combined. The couple should both play a role in ensuring none feels taken advantage of. And if at all one feels pressed and pressured, they should feel free to speak up and see whether they should call it quits or fix the bug.

It would take a whole chit chat with Gary Chapman to have him convince couples that love should not always be about money and sex, there’s more to it.

If at all the men are after sex and women after money, then why shouldn’t it just be openly transactional. That would otherwise mean that there will be buyers and sellers – a very peculiar way to put it.

True love exists, or so I believe. It only takes you to position yourself in the right paradigm. In as much as there are plenty of people to share love with, there are also plenty of them who just want to tear your heart apart and swagger away like nothing happened.

Ideally, man and woman should come together and help each other grow; spiritually, mentally and even physically. They become each other’s shoulders to lean on. And with this, comes sacrifices, investments and efforts to ensure everything works in their favour.

Until death -scratch that- untill cheating do them part. In this day and era, cheating do most relationships part before death does. The society has glorified cheating that it looks like something fancy. They even sing it in songs like Mejja and Bensol’s ‘Nairobi’ to spread the gospel and agenda further.

Such acts can easily make one hesitate to give their all in a relationship. Minds are replete with ‘what ifs’. Everyone comes across as a suspect of infidelity.

Statistically, divorce cases have skyrocketed in this century than any other in history. Major contributors to this phenomenon is lack of commitment, infidelity and too much arguing.

The internet has made it easier to connect with anyone in any corner of the world. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the lenses you choose to look at it with. You can meet your husband while you’re in bed with your boyfriend. Just a little scrolls on the phone and you could be on your next mission to cheating.

It’s easy that way, if not simple like that.

The elephant in the room remains, is it even worth it to invest time, money and energy in someone who doesn’t love you genuinely?

At the end of the day, it’s the love that you share that matters. Putting out the intentions both of you have in that relationship is also paramount. If you are in it for the money, say it. If you are in it for the sex only, also say it. Save each other’s time. And if you are in it for a true, genuine commitment, put it across.

It feels good knowing that someone somewhere will take a bullet for you any day. It’s the trust that gives assurance, not the presence nor the ‘I love you, I love you too’ mantra.

In this month of love, invest your time, money and energy where love exists. Don’t water a cactus.

As Valentine’s day nears, know whether you are the main or the side. You could be thinking you are the main, only to be served a surprise on that day. Know your position in your partner’s life before you start regretting and pointing fingers.

I know, it could be cliché but why don’t you just hit them with the “what are we?” text and know your position. Do it we see!

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There are, however, some people who happen to get their exact rib and end up in a fairy tale ilk of a relationship. Looking around, love is more than just the list of qualifications that people stress themselves with. It is more of what you feel for that person, the chemistry and the vision you have for the relationship. In most of these dating shows, you’ll see hopeless romantics displaying the qualities they anticipate in their partners.

Some of these qualities go overboard and are highly unachievable. Perhaps, they are just overambitious or have watched too much soap operas that painted to them a picture of how true love should be. Most young people are not only looking for inexistent people to fall in love with, but they are also looking in the wrong places.

Which are these wrong places? You may be wondering. There are some places that you shouldn’t even think of when you are hunting for a partner.

1. Dating apps
Ideally, dating apps were intended to link up soul mates. When programmers sit down to create a dating app, they have singletons in mind as their target market. However, dating apps can be so frustrating, if not disappointing, to a genuine person who goes there with an intention of finding love.

The arena has turned into a hook-up hotspot, creating a very strong wall against true love. Participants in the apps have motives of hooking up rather than building bonds that leads to a serious relationship.

The moment you match with someone, they see it as a chance to slide in your inbox and throw there advances of getting under your pants. Whilst ladies complain of men on dating apps only thinking about sex, men on the other flip also grouch of encountering ladies who ask for money in exchange of coital benefits.

2. Clubs
it is good to unwind. Majority of people go to clubs and bars to unwind and cool off the pressure the week might have thrown at them. While at it, they happen to rub shoulders with a different people.

People go to the club with different motives. There are those that go there to just gulp down their life stresses with rounds of drinks, those that go to unwind, those that go to close deals, those that hope for a one night stand and then there are those that try their luck to find love in the club.

With all these different motives in one arena, it can be a really risky venture to give out your heart to just anyone. Especially to that one who came to relieve stress. Or worse, that one who is eyeing for a one night stand.

3. Dating shows
Watching a dating show can be so interesting. Partly because it comes out as a scripted show rather than a reality show. Listening to the qualities that people want in their partners can easily give an answer to why they are single.

Finding a match in these dating shows is not a walk in the park. Love finds us in unexpected times and places. Someone on a dating show can tick all the boxes of the qualities you displayed, but you’ll still need more time to get to know that person on a deeper level.

Similarly to dating apps, people can easily fake who they truly are just to fit in what you want.

4. Work place
Falling in love with a workmate doesn’t sound like a good idea. Does it? At least it shouldn’t. There are companies whose policies don’t allow colleagues to engage in intimate relationships.one of the major reason why this is not allowed is to maintain productivity. Have you ever heard of the street phrase that being around someone you love makes you lazy and less productive?

Work place relationship can be devastating, especially if you happen to fall in love with your boss. It can be all rosy and paradise when both of you are happy, but once things go south, be ready to also kiss your job goodbye.

5. Social media
Like dating apps, social media can also be disappointing. Social media users mostly share their winning side, their good-life side that they want you to see. They will hardly expose to you the other side of their life that is messy.

Some will even go to extends of pretending to be who they are not. They will share photos of themselves in expensive hotels, near high-end cars and even flash some life achievements. This can easily lure one into believing they are living their best of lives. Or that they are their best fit.

Don’t fall for such stunts. Always get to know the other side of life of these people before you agree to their advances. Most of them will approach you with the side that they want you to see so as to raise their chances of winning your heart.

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A relationship becomes toxic when it reaches the point you feel emotionally and mentally drained that you don’t want to face it anymore. In most of these toxic relationships the toxic partner is most oftenly a narcissist, but they have no idea because it’s a condition that it’s not easily noted by an individual. Narcissists tend to make their partners feel they are always wrong or they are the cause of certain situations or the cause of their actions.

The toxic lovers tend to be manipulating in a way they don’t notice they are literally manipulating and you can’t also notice they are manipulating your emotions, life and psychological status – becauseyou love them. They tend to want you to be what they want you to be, in short their ‘puppet’. Blindly, you find yourself trying to please them but It never last for long (as obvious fitting shoe number 6 when you wear shoe number 5 ends up hurting your feet).

Read also: Signs you’re in a toxic relationship

Walking out of a toxic relationship is not always a walk in the park. These guys know how to hit your weak spots. I told you they are manipulative. They go ahead to put you in compromising situations or sometimes make you hold the guilt. They end up messing up your kindness and your weaknesses.

We all have different love languages, some touch, some words of affirmation, some time, some attention, some receiving gifts. They know all these so whenever he knows you are about to give up on the relationship they tend to pamper you according to your love language.

In as much as it’s difficult to walk out of a relationship that you’ve invested in probably in terms of money, time and emotions. It’s good to understand that self love is important and your mental health is paramount.

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What will we do when nature takes over our prayerful parents and it’s then us to face the world. What have we picked from our parents while they still breathe.

We only celebrate them on father’s and mother’s day as we continue blocking them from our earthy behaviours. Are we asking ourselves what happened to us? Why are we adapting to the life of the whites while they aren’t adapting to ours? Maybe we will understand this when it’s time.

In the past we used to celebrate friendship and visited one another to keep intact, today we are celebrating betrayals from friendships to situationship. It’s become a norm to never trust one another that’s the gospel being spread.

We are celebrating singleness while at this same age our parents already had us and are still with the same people. I hope we find better solution of dealing with such changes.

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Relationships are fun when both of you are faithful and loyal to each other. Healthy relationships involves genuine feelings and true love between the couple. However, things might get nasty along the way. One party might decide to have an affair, or worse, sleep around carelessly.

Cheating in relationships is an unhealthy act which might come with hurtful repercussions. It can lead your partner to depression, breakup and even contracting of sexually transmitted infections.

It might be hard to spot a cheating partner at a glance. An unfaithful partner will always have excuses and back ups to his/her lies. They will make you believe everything is running smoothly in the relationship.

Here are 5 Signs that your partner may be having an affair outside the relationship.

1. Pulling away

A partner that is cheating will pull away from the bond you share. They will act distant and stop paying attention to the things you used to do together. If they were supporting you in your career, school work or life in general, you’ll notice a slow-down behavior.

It’s common for a cheating partner to divert his/her attention. Their focus, attention and energy goes to the new person in the picture, thus ignoring you. You might have tried to earn your partner’s attention, or engage in conversations but you notice some peculiar unfamiliarity between the two of you. That is one crystal clear indicator that your partner may be cheating on you.

2. Less intimacy

If you’ve noticed that the sex life in your relationship has morphed from healthy and active to boring and scarce, it’s a red flag that your partner is up to something.

Intimacy spices up a relationship. Studies reveal that men, especially, are more at peace and comfortable in relationships where there is plenty and frequent intimacy. However, it’s also proven that they might still cheat despite the intimacy being present in the relationship.

It’s not surprising to find your partner cheating on you even though you give the intimacy. Once you realize a decrease in how often you used to get intimate, it’s a possible indicator that he is cheating on you.

3. Frequent lies

A cheat is a liar. A cheating partner, like aforementioned, will use lies to cover his/her tracks. When you notice your partner is not telling you things directly or lying about minor things such as who they are with, where they are or who they are calling, it could be a sign that your partner is no longer faithful.

It is proven that most partners who cheat end up living a life full of lies and mysteries. They end up forging events and stories so as to maintain their status and look genuine.

4. Calling you by the wrong name

Have you ever been talking to your partner then he calls you a different name? Yes, red flag on the spot. A cheating partner will invariably confuse and end up calling you a different name. That different name might be the exact name of the person he/she is cheating you with.

For a partner to confuse your name, that means his attention and feelings have fully been directed to that other person.

5. Suddenly wants privacy

When your partner suddenly wants to have his phone to have a password, or to receive calls away from you, that is a clear sign that there is someone else in the picture. You might have had a transparent relationship where you could check your partner’s phone anytime, or receive his calls. But when this suddenly changes, be sure someone is cheating.

Sometimes, they tend to delete messages so as to maintain their innocence. Some might even create pseudo accounts on social media so that you may not recognize their activities.

If you’ve noticed that your partner is hiding his/her phone from you, or suddenly wants to be private than he/she was before, consider that he might be cheating on you.

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