A RAW ABNORMALITY

A boy measured his steps from his small mud-walled grass-roofed mansion towards stesheni.It is a small market situated in Lugari constituency,Kakamega county. The boy had plugged earphones on his Obama-like ears and walked on the railway lines like an Indian coolie on a day off.

Back in his mansion he had left a girl who had travelled as far as Turbo,to come and enjoy the business of laying pipes.The boy had promised an evening of pure mwenjoyo(enjoyment) for there was nothing as beautiful as a conjugal visit on the 31st of December night.

She poured drops of water on the floor to quench the thirst of dust.This would reduce the curiosity of the dust while the two were on a missionary exploration. Once done,she lay on the wooden bed, her weight laughing at the shaking of it,wondering whether they would have to do it at the floor or just break the bed.Kwani iko nini?

The boy had travelled a long distance to get the precious products.He had endured the pain of passing through homes with angry barking dogs and dodging his crushes.He just had one thing in his mind;how he would buy the condom, considering the fact that the only shop known to sell condoms in the chests of Stesheni,was owned by his aunt.It was the only shop that not only sold household stuff but also helped fornicating moguls in whatever way-I am talking P2 and all brands of condoms.

He passed by a poshomill to check whether his friend Indeche was around.He wasn’t there.He felt his shirt hugging him as sweat evaporated all over his skin.His boxers felt like he had just dived out of a swimming pool and put on his trousers.

There was a hawker selling callenders.A man selling mikombero(Believed to boost libido-but no one will tell you this is a load of rubbish.)Another one was hawking phone spare parts on another corner while someone was selling bottle tops.Vifuniko!

When he reached his aunt’s shop, he greeted her with the respect she deserved.The shop was stuffed with every kind of things. A small space was left where the shopkeeper would give you your things and in return you pay and receive your change.

She was there,looking at Mchendero as if he was an outcast.It was six in the evening and his phone kept vibrating .He knew very well that that was Milka, the girl he had left at his mansion.He couldn’t pick because that would look disrespectful at his aunt’s area of jurisdiction.

“Unahitaji nini?”(What do you need?)

That question hit him squarely on the forehead.He scratched his head as if he was presented with the hardest calculus sum.The energy he had reserved for the night was drained from his Njugush-like body by his aunt’s interrogation.

” Uko na kiss?”

I know.He had to be clever.But who asks for a kiss from his aunt? Of course he meant kiss condom but she didn’t get it.

“Ati wenya shina?” (What do you want again?)

It went like that for twenty minutes.Maybe his aunt knew what he wanted but was messing with him or his terms were so hard for the 37-years old to crack.He had mentioned,’protective gears,’ ‘condiko,’ ‘gumboots’ and many other terms used to refer to holders of ejaculations to no success.

A crowd had gathered and when finally he said he wanted a packet of Kiss condoms,the aunt expressed a shocked and disappointed face.She pressed him so hard while handing him the packet as an indication that the war was not over.The crowd looked at him with judging eyes.Some envied that he would get laid in the next few hours and even wanted to follow him but he disappeared in the young night.

While he ran to the woman of his life,he wondered why is it so hard to buy condoms in Kenyan shops. Why can’t it be ‘legalized’ so that we don’t endure the pain and shame of buying condoms in shops owned by the elderly.This and many thoughts fought for the first place in his thinking room as he smiled opening the door to his mansion to find Milka with a short and red bra.That night would never be the same. Legalize!