A VICTIM OF YOUR SPELL

I honestly want to please you. l really want to check all your right boxes.The truth is that in the process l over baked my heart for you and poured my heart too fast and too willingly. l feel like in my life you are a master,You control every inch of my body, soul and mind. You are like a conformist robot. All you do is make me follow your predetermined rules like move from A to B, smile at my friends, pay the cashier.

l follow blindly everything you say because l am afraid of loosing you and leaving a life without you. l know its addiction, everyone tells me that but its too painful to let go. l want to tell you about the power of love. It brings hope but sometimes its just a stepping stone towards more pain and more drama.

l know you never really loved me but loved the way I loved you, but you see, l am the most patient person on earth. l wanted to patiently wait for you to turn into something better but in the process l lost me. I lost my worth and l lost my standards. lf in life we are defined by the choices we make then l am a monster. With all the pain you caused me l still chose to stay. l stayed because you’d make me feel terrible about myself, you’d make feel like the bad guy. You are a narcissist. l noticed this from your fragile ego, the indifference walls that you built and how you seeked status to hide your vulnerable self.

You made me feel bad to make yourself feel good. You like complete devotion from people. You’d pretend not to like compliments but you’d also die inside if not told. You withdrew your love right at the start. As soon as l was addicted to your touch. Every attempt to get away from you proved futile because you would always torment me that if l loved you l would teach myself to stick with you through thick and thin.

Honey, can’t you see you have taken more, accused more, had more ice storms but you will still blame me, you coward, you unspeakable coward. l am done loosing me in attempts to make you find yourself. l am done pleasing you because l want my energy matched. lnshort, l am done being a victim of your spell. l am done being the one to make you find you while am loosing me. l am done being your pupoet. l am done being a rehabilitation center mending broken soul when l have my troubles to myself. I am done being a lovesick fool. l am tired of wasting my time and making a fool out of myself.

l want to heal. l want to be good enough for someone. l want to be looked at too. l want to know what affection feels like. l want someone to match my energy. l want to love and be loved back in return. l want everyone to be on the lookout for narcissists and their traits. They will belittle you to make themselves feel good.They love constant admiration and would do anything to get it. They think they are the only important people and tend to associate themselves with the chosen few. They are not happy with other people’s success’s. They envy alot of people and instead think that this people are envious of them.They will be on the wrong and make you feel like the bad guy. Free yourselves from this kind of ties. Ties that make you loose your worth. Ties that don’t make you grow to a better person. Be Free ,its a free world