A LETTER SHE WISHED I NEVER GOT
Dear Jack, It has officially been two years since we broke up. To say I don’t think of you would be the largest lie I have ever told. I think of you a lot. From time to time I miss you a lot. Sometime I think I fantasize or put rose coloured glasses on when remembering our relationship. I mean I do think we had an unreal connection like I have never had before but I think I gave way to much and you took way to much.
We were both at different points in our lives and I think you were a lot more lost than I was. I mean considering you were partying every night, staying up till the morning, and than sleeping all day… But this is not a letter to reminisce about the past… I am not really sure what it is about… I think it’s maybe that I am still not over it.
I still have things to say. I am still broken hearted over you, Jack. I can’t move on- I compare everyone new to you.. Why? I don’t have an answer… I am Jack’s broken heart… After our break up I moved… It was pretty drastic but I got my life together.. got it back on track. I came home and I wanted to tell you all about my experience. Tell you about how I had changed. Tell you about all things I realized I liked about the world and myself that I did not let before. I wanted to share these with you but I knew I couldn’t. It just wasn’t the reality at the time. It has been eight months since I have returned home, and I have yet to see you.
Talk about faith eh? I wish that I would run into you so that I could see you and we could talk or maybe to see you and burst the balloon of an idea that is in my head of how I feel about you. I have created so many ideas in my head about how you have changed and how we would benefit from each other now but the reality is I am uncertain of any of those things. I think if I saw you it would just all make sense- either I’d know it was still you or I’d know it was all a figment of my imagination. I guess if you ever read this letter I would want you to know I am sorry for hurting you and I forgive you for hurting me.
Yes, I still think of you and you hold a special place in my heart. Am I over you? I am not sure. Do I miss you- 100%. I wish we would bump into each other and reconnect- or you’d reach out to me one last time but I guess even though I want those things and I have forgiven you I don’t know if the damage done to what we created as ‘us’ would ever be fixable… I just wish you well Jack. I hope you find what you love and you get to have a house, a dog, and that family you always wanted. I also hope that you STOP and love yourself before the next relationship. That way you don’t cheat, and you are able to love and treat that girl the way she deserves. I miss you Jack. I’ll always love you.