PAPA

I miss receiving letters. I miss the days when someone I had met just once would profess his love for me through sweet words.
Now I know some of you might have guessed that I want to write. That’s true but to whom I will write is something you might not guess.
So here’s my letter,my letter to my father. Yes my father. Last time I saw him was this morning as he left for work. But I still want to write to him the things I wished I had told him all those years.

“Papa! Well, maybe I should call you father because that is what you have been. I was told that being a father is not as hard as being a daddy and it’s clear that you took the easy way out.
I’m sorry that came out wrong but it’s what I feel right now.
Oh I hate to write like this cause I’m so used to emojis and there’s no way I can fix them here to release the tension I feel.

I don’t know if you read my first letter to you and understood it. I know it’s been such a long time to bring it up. Twenty years is a lot but I need to know father,did you? Did you read the joy that I came with?
Oh you don’t understand?
My first letter was written to you on that first day when I came to this world.
And I have a feeling you understood me just a little while. When you were my dad.
When every evening you held me in your laps beer in your hand and your feet danced to the music of your whistling.
Those were the only days when you really were a dad.
Years passed and the older I grew the further you pushed me. Gave me to my mother when you knew quite well that I was a daddy’s girl. Mama and I never quite got along. But you gave me to her anyway.

Oh Pa’, you don’t know how many nights I cried to God to bring back our good times. Instead,you became colder. Maybe the army hardened your but do you remain so cold even outside the battle field? Do you remain cold even to your children? Your last daughter? I’m sorry if I sound bitter. I’m not. I’m just sad you let life slip away.
And all those years I was left wondering what it was that changed things between us.
Why we couldn’t have a relationship like the ones girls my age have with their daddies.

Oh Pa’, my ink is almost out but I wish you’d understand this second letter of mine to you.
I wish you’d understand that I have noticed you are trying to get close. To make up for the years lost.
But more importantly I wish you find out that despite everything, I’m excited to give you a chance maybe we could go watch movies next week?
Well,now I expect a letter from you.
Should I be excited or scared?
Will you say yes or are you scared you’ll mess it up?
I’ll be waiting.
Love
Claire”.