THE LOVE I NEVER HAD (version 8)

I was crying but nobody could see, the kamvua or as the whites call it, shivers, had my back so no one noticed. Men don’t cry right? In my hand was a rose I had brought to surprise her. I crushed it as I sat on a bench nearby and closed my eyes. The feeling in my gut did nothing but deepen the pain. My hopes were dead but the memories stack.

Asha was her name, she was the only light skinned Burji I knew. She had dimples that complimented her smile, I swear you could see her beauty through the nikab. She had hips that got my head swaying side to side every time she walked. Allah might have been showing off creating her. I felt like I was born to mend her heart, fools came and went but I was always there to provide her a shoulder to lean on. Yes, the good-hearted Borana guy she had by her side.

I didn’t have the balls to tell her that I lay awake almost every night dreaming of the beautiful kids we would have. Sucks right? Just that I had no choice, I wouldn’t break the bond we had as best friends. If only she knew how I was into her. I didn’t admire her because of her beauty or anything, I loved her for who she was around me. The way she would recite the Quran, her lips mumbling words I could not comprehend. You can call it being love struck or whatever you want but man was I head over heels in love her.

“Its impossible”, said pride.

“Its risky”, said experience.

“Its pointless”, said reason.

“Give it a try”, whispered the heart.

I had no choice but to follow my favorite, the heart. If there was going to be a next, it would be me, I swore.

l finally manned up and decided to talk to her. I showered her with promises of what an amazing man I would be. What if she laughed at me? What if she thought I’m stupid? Random thoughts flew in and out of my head but it was too late his highness, Mr. Heart, had already decided. I waited for her to call so we would hangout as always but she didn’t dare to call.

Anxiety caught up with me and I decided to dress up and head for her place with hopes that she felt the same way, That she had finally realized that I was meant for her.

If you’re planning to surprise your crush, I suggest you don’t. My smile paved way for the awe that crisscrossed my face. There she was, kissing another “fool” I was dumb folded since I had planned on surprising her, if only I knew what awaited me.

I was a man in love after all and the realization that I would never have her hit me. What a romantic man I was, a rose but still the girl wasn’t meant to be mine.

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