Men Don’t Leave, Women Make It Impossible To Stay

Men Don’t Leave, Women Make It Impossible To Stay

August 18, 2023 1 By Murugi Kathuri

“…they spent a whole lifetime hating their father, only to realize it was their sweet mum that had cheated.”

Most of us have fully bought into the narrative that men have become irresponsible. We have used this narrative to explain why a whole generation is growing up fatherless.

Single mothers are busking in the glory of bringing up children on their own, no one is keeping score but the women are winning.

Men are bad. Women are good.

Today, mothers are glorified. When young people talk about their parents, they are talking about mothers. Though fathers may be present, they are mostly ignored. This brings me to an important question; is there a chance that the discrediting of fathers is intentional? Is there a chance that mothers manipulate their children to discredit their fathers?

A wrong attitude towards fathers is driven by stereotypes, wrong beliefs accepted without question.

Let us look at a few wrong beliefs;

The one who walks away is often the guilty offending party

When children learn their father walked away from them, they equate the walking out with guilt. The parent who stays with the children is often seen as the innocent one but there are other explanations that are often ignored;

What if your father left because he was heartbroken?

What if your father left because he was avoiding an ugly custody battle that would prolong the suffering?

What if you father left because he never wanted you to have to choose which parent you will stay with?

What if you father left so that you would grow up in a safe environment free of violence?

What if your father knew your life would be better without him in it?

What if your father left because he knew the hatred he had for your mother would be transferred to you?

Unless we understand the WHY, we run the risk passing the wrong judgment and holding grudges against people who did what was best for us. Let us be practical for a moment; look for a friend that has recently broken up with their partner and ask them why?

Look for someone who resigned from a good company and ask them why?

People have a reason for doing things, but here is the most important thing, THEIR REASONS DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU!!!

A friend can break up with a girl because she’s not funny enough, it’s a silly reason to you but it’s their choice not yours.

When we ask our fathers WHY they left, it will do us good to remember their reason for leaving doesn’t have to make sense to us.

Being a mother and being a wife are two different things!

Has this ever crossed your mind? It is very much possible to be a perfect mother but a shitty wife. Children often think, “She’s such a good mum so definitely she must be a good wife.”

This is the standard children use when they are judging their father;

Why did he leave her? She’s such a loving lady!

What more could a man ask for? My mother is such a humble woman!

Well, as obvious as it may be, being a mum is very different from being a wife. You can be a good mum but a terrible wife and you can also be a good wife but a terrible mother!

Success as a mother is not success as a wife!!!

You only have the right to judge your mother in your capacity as a child but you have no right whatsoever to judge the kind of wife your mother is to your father, only your father can judge that!

Is there a chance your mother is a good mother but a terrible wife?

Expecting your father to stay with a terrible woman just because she is your mother is like someone expecting you not to break up with your terrible girlfriend just because she is her sister!!

Your mother is not an Angel

When a father walks away, the mother has to step up and be mother and father to the children. Most single mothers almost collapse under the weight of all the responsibility. Children grow up seeing their mother struggle and they love her more for all the sacrifices she makes.

But what if she put herself in that situation?

What if her being a single mother is a direct consequence of her poor choices?

What if she drove away your father who was willing to be a part of your life?

What if she made it impossible for your father to stay?

Think of someone carrying heavy loads but they keep on turning down help offered, is such a person to be admired or pitied?

I can’t deny there are irresponsible men out here but there are millions and millions of willing fathers out here who want to be fathers but mothers just make it impossible. The hardest thing a man can do is to turn his back on his own blood. For a man to up and leave, the woman must have made it impossible to stay.

Am I blaming women? Yes, women are the greatest manufacturers of irresponsible men.

Mothers today just manipulate their children to discrediting their fathers but children ought to be fair, if you blame your father for leaving, blame your mother for not keeping him.

If you blame your father for walking away, blame your mother for not giving him a reason to stay!

“…they spent a whole lifetime hating their father, only to realize it was their sweet mum that had cheated.”