If You Can’t Handle Rejection, Don’t shoot Your Shot

I have this heartlock on a guy. His name is the most beautiful name l have ever heard of. Craig, yes that’s his name. Twenty six letters on my keyboard but l still dont have the right words to describe how attractive Craig is. He is slim, muscular with an almost perfect symmetrical face. He has an African heritage that shows in his body and features. Everyone loves him and is drawn to him. l see it in the way they hang on his words and reciprocate to his smile quickly. What I’m trying to say is that he is every girl’s dream man.

l don’t know if he is ever going to see me the way l see him. l dont have a bigger bust, a smaller waist, a bigger butt, blonde hair and more self confidence. This thoughts are already giving me a headrush because l know for a fact l have nothing on the girls he hangs out with. My friends think I’m obssesed with him for liking all his pictures on Instagram, knowing what school he is in, who he hangs out with, his favorite suit. Okay l admit it, but am not obssesed, l just happen to know things about him.

l love his view from my bedroom window. I am usually up by six for him because that’s the time he gets ready for his morning run. l wish l could jump from my window and tell him how in love l am with him but l just can’t for reasons best known to my ego. Whenever he looks up at my window l quickly shut it because l don’t want to be caught staring to sights that please my eyes. May be l am too afraid to admit it. This guy has made me see other guys as two dimensional paper drawing.

I am not good at talking, whenever l try expressing myself, emotions whirl in my soul and my throat tightens. l only end up say ‘poa’ when he asks ‘umeshindaje’ on those God given days that l happen to speak to him. l am such a dushbag, l know right. Do not even remind me. l really wanted to shoot my shot even though society has a different way of seeing this. The thought of all girls hanging around him killed me because l wanted him for myself. I was done drowning in the oceans of love so yesterday l decided to make a move. l wasn’t just going to watch him slip from my hands that easily.

lt was around 4:20 when he passed by. “Hey Craig wait up ” and he was like “Razia pole sana imagine sikua nimekuona” ouch! you mean am not that attractive. Despite this, l still had the audacity to melt to his tone. Pin drop silence… how is that remotely possible with my heart somer-saulting and him standing dangerously close to me. His eyes locking me in a trance and with so much intensity. He looked at me seductively and l figured out he liked me too. Atleast that’s what l thought.

“Razia l really want to ask you something” and l was like “Craig there is something l want you to know”. Being the gentleman he was he let me go first and there l was telling him how in love l was with him. How l wanted an us, how l wanted a forever with him. l said all this with so much enthusiasm and l was sure something good was coming my way. We had five akward minutes of total silence then l was like “Your turn now”. “You know Razi what l wanted to ask you was your best friend’s number Aisha. l just didn’t know how to ask her because she looks way intimidating. l hope you won’t take offense but l just don’t see you the way you see me. You are like my little sister.”

Those words hit differently specifically because they came from him. Had my shot gone sour? He did me dirty by encouraging me to be bold. My eyes were filled with balancing tears as my heart processed this emotions faster than a kid flipping radio channels. I was hurt, l can’t deny. My feelings went from level to rocky. l was fighting a mixture of emotions. Should l cry, should l tell him to think about it. All these emotions were vying for dominance. I am still hurt so send me cute comments.I hit Craig with an ‘it’s okay’ and left without giving him Aisha’s number.

l just wanted to let you know if you cannot handle rejection, dont shoot your shot it will end in premium tears.