Numb

Numb

September 6, 2021 0 By Julie Angela Muthoni

Numb. That’s all what I feel. It’s only been two weeks, yet there isn’t a day I don’t think about you. You looked good today and your scent reminded me of everything I loved about you. When you left me I cried A LOT.

 

The first day was the hardest. I remember crying in the shower with my hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make a sound. Then I played someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi and belted out the words like my life depended on it. But in a way it kinda did. I needed a moment of surreality because everything else seemed like too much of a nightmare.

 

I couldn’t imagine life without you. We had made so many plans together. Named all our children and even picked out color schemes for our future home. When you left, I questioned my entire existence. I even apologized to the people I hurt most. I promised myself I’d never hurt anyone ever again and that I’d wait…Wait till I found the one, if he even exists.

 

Today I hurt you again. You said you wanted me back but I said no. God knows how I want to run into your arms and act like nothing happened. But something did happen. You broke me. You chose her over me. Over us. And that’s something that just can’t be undone.

 

You walked away from everything we had built. In a way I’m grateful. I’m grateful you let me go cause I know I could never have. I’m grateful you broke me cause from the ashes of our love, I found a greater love. I found myself. I found hope. As they say when you reach rock bottom there’s only one other way you can go. And that’s up.

 

So thank you. Thank you for holding me up when I couldn’t do it. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for all the memories.

 

I know it hurts now but I also know that it won’t hurt forever. This too shall pass. I might be numb and depressed now but I’m the happiest depressed person you’ll ever meet and I wish you nothing but the best in life..

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