FIND ME

Shivers and tingles of a very familiar fear would hit me every single day. There are some things you don’t get used to. Some feelings that will always be so brand new.

Whenever I heard those loud footsteps getting nearer at night, I’d wish my existence away.
Her stilettos would always announce her arrival. And she took pride in that. She’d get home smiling broadly with malice written all over her face. I would remind myself to breathe because I skipped that specific class where the fortunate were taught how to stand up to their fears.

“Where are you, Lisa? Do not make me come get you,” that woman’s voice made me jump. Reality knocks you down so hard. I sat on the bedside of my ailing father. His health deteriorated day in day out. There was no ounce of hope but my fingers were always crossed.

Unfairly, we leave so much in the dark when the light overwhelms us. My dad used to be a happy, energetic and bubbly soul. The irony giggled at me when I looked at his eyes that could hardly hold a gaze.
I was yanked away by my shoulder. She always spat when she talked. As she hurled her words at me, I stood there, numb to my nails.

Then what I had waited for came. The first blow didn’t get me to the ground. The third one did. My face kissed the cold floor as I took in her blue suede heels. They had a nice shimmer, they were so pretty to look at.

“Get up!”she spat. I did. Why wouldn’t I? I had grown fond of the slaps, like caresses from a lover.Tears flooded my hazel eyes when I saw my father’s face. It was indeed heartbreaking.

My mind became blurred but one thing remained crystal clear. That woman was the death of us. I was fed up. She had managed to ensure my father was bedridden and that I, her own daughter, would never taste peace. Yes, that woman is my mother.

I walked to the kitchen to grab the only tool I had interned with. My mother took a step back when she saw me confidently holding the same knife. I kept walking towards her and didn’t think twice when I stabbed her twelve times.
I had learnt from the best. It was time I returned the favour.

As she lay in her pool of blood, I took my father’s hand and placed a warm kiss with my dry cracked lips.
I stabbed him too. He never deserved that pain.
All my life I had been watching very keenly. Nothing would miss my eyes, just like the hawk.
When the you want to talk about violent homes, please come find me.