King Solomon is supposed to be the wisest man to ever walk the face of the earth and his conjugal prowess was rumoured to be exquisite. Ask the queen of Sheba, she knows best. Sorry, you can’t, she’s long dead. Am I digressing?
Now this valiant man Solomon, owner of all wisdom and conquerer of all thigh lands and every other land in the nether regions authored a book that would later be dubbed Ecclesiastes by the leaders of the church.

In this book Solomon writes and I quote, “Naked a man comes from his mother’s womb and as he comes so he departs. He takes nothing…”
Now I’ve roved this village for decades and I can tell you with immutable certainty that the last bit of Solomon’s wisdom might not be exactly true as far as this village is concerned. Because here when people die they take things with them. Lots of things.

Dead people, nay, funerals take a lot of cattle from my village. And when I say cattle I don’t mean one or two emaciated cows that have seen better days, that would be preposterous! But who would even attend a funeral where less than ten bulls have lost their heads? Who? Even Nyawawa won’t take that funeral seriously. People must engage meat in a duel lasting for at least one month. It’s very difficult to mourn a whole villager on an empty stomach omera. Very difficult! So we slaughter bulls. Many bulls. Because we must mourn and not only in tears but also blood. Animal’s blood. The blood appeases our ancestors and assures the deceased a peaceful transition to the afterlife. The meat appeases our body.

But animals are not the only thing funerals take from us.

Funerals take a lot more. It takes our virginity. You laugh but it’s true. My friend Larry here lost his virginity in a funeral (don’t worry bro, they won’t know it’s you). When someone dies we have this thing called disco matanga. If you don’t know disco matanga there’s no way I can be of any help to you. This is one of those things you have to experience to understand, you know, like sex. You can’t expect a virgin to understand the experience of having an intercourse with someone who has body features they don’t. A disco matanga is basically organized for hormone ravaged members of the society to run wild and free through the night. There’s a lot of dancing, drinking of everything not allowed in the BBI and of course breaking virginity. People must show the deceased what they are going to miss in the afterlife.

Now I’m going to get very emotional on this one. The last funeral that occurred in this village took my sister with it. My sister! Once the deceased was laid to rest my sister was nowhere to be seen. Because that’s what funerals do, it takes other people’s sisters. And what perpetrate this vile monstrosity the most are these people called in-laws. They come stuffed in a lorry and most of them are young single males looking for equally young fit birds to trap. Like my sister. And so many other sisters. So these in-laws would be there pretending to mourn, all the while making eyes at our young unsuspecting girls. When they leave, they aren’t alone.

In my village funerals take things. The deceased don’t die alone. Solomon was wrong, tell him I said that.

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This is one key essential to consider when you are putting color on your hair. Remember the process is not easily erasable so when you are adding on color, remember that might be your look for some time. Don’t make a mistake of visiting a store and grabbing a color just because your idol has it on or that the model on the package looks admirable. There are high chances that you are not the model’s twin so how it appears on them may be different from how it appears on you. The best choice of dye would be the one that is based on your skin color and if that is impossible to choose, the internet can give you a hand.

Don’t make a drastic change

Anytime you want to alter with your hair color using more than three shades, it’s wise to visit professionals because if you happen to combine the wrong essentials, your hair will not give you the smile you intended. There are dark and extreme light bases to go with different shades so when you mess up a bit, everything changes including the hair color you intended and I bet you didn’t plan on wearing hoodies and caps when you desired to change your color. Have it go through the right process and you will not have to wait for the dark to go outside the house.

Prepare your Hair

This bit helps in how the shade will embrace your hair. When coloring your hair, make sure it is oil-free or even water-free for better results. If you want that hair color to pop, heating is Advised -You could go on a dye for better results but even natural light will give you the look.

Do adequate research on hair coloring

This is one essential process that we all ignore. Knowing about the dye you want to apply will guide you to know the maintaining process you will also have committed to before dying. You need to ask yourself if the hair dye that you need to dress your natural hair will consume much time since if you are going a shade higher, the process for darker shades will not be the same as for the person who wants light colors. Coloring your hair might damage your natural hair so you need to know what company is suitable for your hair texture.

Word of advice: if it’s your first time coloring your hair, you should avoid coloring it red because it is the most difficult to achieve and it needs a higher maintenance because it tends to make your hair dry and tough.

With these short tips, it’s also advised to look into applications that will guide you in choosing the right color. Avoid these bold colors that you see celebrities with because they are not planning to stay with that hairdo long after a video shoot or even an interview. Go with something that will serve you for some time

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