Confessions Of The Singles: Why I Choose To Stay Single

Confessions Of The Singles: Why I Choose To Stay Single

April 4, 2022 2 By Ian Elroy Ogonji

Being in a relationship is fun; going on dates, spending time together and just knowing that there’s someone somewhere who cares for you. But what is it like to be single?

Different people choose to stay single for reasons that are diverse, and personal. Some find the peace while they are alone, some don’t want the ‘preasure’ that relationships come with. But for others, it is just a decision they make without any concrete reason.

I talked to a number of young people who were open to share their reasons and stories behind the reasons. Some names have been changed to hide their identity. These are personal opinions from personal experiences and shouldn’t in any way influence your decisions.

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The dilemma of age

Maria,19

So I’m 19 and guys my age are basically at that point where they’re exploring alcohol, sex in very dangerous proportions but for me right now I’m literally self parenting.

I’m trying to create an amazing future for myself because I’m afraid of failure. So I started working, trying to build my portfolio by doing everything possible.

Then there’s that factor of older guys who I’m honestly attracted to because of how they think, they’re settled and know what they want but I am afraid that I’m too young to go out with an older guy for fear of being manipulated.

I’m smart but at the end of the day I’m only human. It’s like how I find it difficult to interact with my classmates because wueeeh siwaelewi (I don’t understand).

Maybe the sorrows of this world forced me to grow up too fast. It doesn’t mean I’m not exploring but I’m trying to be mature and smart about it. It’s the least I owe myself.

My space is more precious

Karen, 25

I meet people who want me to be a wife and mother. I don’t know why people think I can be a good mother. Also, I personally like my space, I’m not so comfortable to move in with anyone plus I hate house chores.

Dating a single mom

Wambui, 23

Most men don’t accept to date a woman who has a child. Especially if she is between age 18 – 25. I’ve had men who showed interest then ended up ghosting after they found out that I have a kid. Most of them feel like ati game haiezi anza 1-0 (the game can’t start 1-0). Well, some see it as a burden.

Then there are those guys who usually feel like when the child (in this case a son) grows up he might not have respect for him because he is not the biological dad. And you know men, men want to be the man of the house, they want everyone to be under their authority.

Singly in a relationship

Mary, 22

I hold onto the memories of my ex. I try to compare every man interested in me with him and none even comes close to it. So I’m basically singly in a relationship.

Read also: Confessions to my ex

First love messed it up

Clare, 24

I personally don’t feel the need of being in a relationship because of my past breakup. He was my first love, met him in 2018 when I was joining campo.

Things were smooth till they were not. There is an old phone that I once got in his house which flipped the whole situation. The phone had text messages of him ill-texting other girls about me.

I just went silent. And he never seemed to care anyway. We’d hardly communicate. Though we got back together after some time, which was really a bad move.

I later caught him cheating, with a girl that I know. Instead of even apologizing or feeling embarrassed, he got violent, started beating me and even broke my arm. From there I cut ties and just broke up with him.

The saddest part is that we used to go to the same church. That just made it hard for us to go separate ways for good. Funny enough, the guy had the courage to disrespect me Infront of his friends at church despite me acting cool and kind to him.

This really made me hate relationships because I just feel all men are just the same.

Finding love as a lesbian

Rosa, 21

Finding love has been a hard task for me, no lie. First, I’m a lesbian. That basically means that I’m not sexually attracted to men. I have been approached by men who showed genuine interest, a lot of them. My looks have the magnet to attract them to me – it’s however quite sad that I’m not into them.

On the flip side, getting a lady who is open minded as I am is not a walk in the park. It’s hard to spot them leave alone approaching them.

So I just choose to enjoy life till I meet the right one.

He never saw my value

Maureen, 22

I once dated this rugby player, and dude was so disrespectful. For instance when I got my national ID, I was super excited, very excited. I felt I was officially Kenyan and grown.

So when I called the guy all screamy, this is what he had to say, “Go back to Uganda you refugee, we don’t want you here.” I was super surprised and hurt with that statement. You’re my person, why would you call me a refugee? All along he had never seen like I belong here.

He always laughed when I’m hurt and  never made effort to apologize. Saying sorry was a taboo to him.

Another time, I told him my cousin had bought me flowers, I was very happy that I had flowers – girly stuff, you know. This guy misinterpreted it and told me straight up that I should stop pressuring him. Which I wasn’t and I didn’t even tell him to get me flowers.

Read also: 8 signs you’re in a toxic relationship

He was always the victim and narcisitic son of a Pharaoh. Whenever I was happy it would be a problem to him. I expected him to be Happy for me as well. Something he never did.

One day he said straight to my face, “Why do you work so hard I prefer lazy women.”

He mostly pressured me about going to his house. Yet he could never provide the means. He could break up with me anytime he felt like. I was so naive that I always simped and begged him to patch things up.

I was scared of being alone. I recall this one time he told me at 3am after sex, that he’s never been in love with me, he just loves me and he wouldn’t want to lose me. I wanted to kill him, I cried instead.

He was so toxic. I just wanted him to love me more than my Dad atleast. I wanted to experience what love is, I still do. I don’t know what being loved feels like. I’m the one who gives all the time. Being single has made me re-discover my hobbies again. I can think for me now.

The reason why he treated me like he wanted It’s because he saw me of little value. To him I was 20 bob. So now, let me raise my value more than 1000 so the next man will think twice before disrespecting me.

I want to love yes, but I want the same energy back. I want to experience what love really is. I don’t have to beg for it or lower my standards for this human’s sake. I also want to be appreciated taken for dinner dates. Or even go on a date for once in my life.

I don’t have a man, but I’m not alone

Faith, 24

I wouldn’t say I’m single, neither am I dating. I have someone but like we haven’t put a name to it. We are just there.

All we do is hang out, have sex and spend quality time together. But I wouldn’t say he’s my boyfriend. Though we are exclusive, like we agreed not to get intimate with other people.

At first it was hurting to see him talking to other girls. I could get jealous but with time I have grown to accept my position and I’m happy this way. I am not planning to get into anything serious or labeled. I’m comfortable this way.

I’m not ready, yet

Lynn, 30

I am still not in a place where I am ready to comfortably have a healthy relationship and this is because of various reasons;

a) I always feel that I should get into a relationship when I have a source of income

b) I haven’t met a serious man yet

c) I fear being heartbroken, I fear being hurt and I fear being played

Also, I always question myself if I will be enough for somebody. The question “am I enough?” always pops up in my mind anytime I think of relationships.

I’m manning up

Blvck, 24
These ladies are not trustworthy and also financially I don’t think I’m in a good position. I don’t think I am ready to cater for someone’s needs and I wouldn’t want to be seen as stingy.

I haven’t found a lady that fits in that ‘bubble’.

There is a time the lady I was seeing told me out of nowhere,

” Blvck, I like you, yes! you are funny, cute, loveable, talented na we ni mtrue, but you need to be serious with some things. I was to give you a chance to date me but I think you are not the best partner for me. You need to man up, atleast.”

That really drowned my ego. Around the same time, I discovered Amerix. I have been following the masculinity Saturdays and somehow I just feel I’m becoming a better guy by myself.

Ladies don’t know what they really want

Derrick, 24
I find it hard to trust any woman because I feel like they are not sure of what they want, plus I get bored so easily.

Personally, I am scared of hurting someone’s daughter. I have been in elationships before, of course.

I dated this girl for almost an year. So this one time I was to meet her in town at our usual spot. So this day I got to town, tried to call her but her phone happens to be off. I stayed in town waiting for her but to no luck. Her dad used to work in town but I couldn’t go there, you know.

Later that day, I got her apology with some other excuses. She was a single mom, I came to learn, and was still in contact with the baby daddy. I really didn’t have a problem with that but deep down I felt played. So we just called the relationship off.

My next relationship was fun, but sad as well. I met her in Campo. Our friendship was organic since we were classmates. Funny thing, her ex was also a classmate.

Sometimes I felt like the two had a fling behind my back despite her convincing me that everything was okay.

She was afraid to let the ex know that we were dating. That was a redflag, but I just chose to ignore. The relationship didn’t go far anyway.

Communication is always the key, but I am not very consistent with it. I like my silence. Sometimes I might just go silent, not that I have issues but because I just want my peace.

The other big issue was intimacy. There were times I was staying at my folks’ house and bringing the girl to my parent’s house was not a good idea.

I’m in the process of figuring myself out, and for some reason I just want a lady who has brains – which has been hard to find, of course.

Lastly, I just began my career. I am trying to stabilize my life. I have the fear of impregnanting a lady because that will mean another responsibility. Plus my finances at the moment has priorities.

Finding my purpose

Allan, 25
I’m single by choice. I came to a point in life where I needed to find myself, know what works for me, what my (God’s) purpose in life is, and know what I want for a partner.

Taking the time off, I found a purpose, I’m still working to fulfill me because I don’t need anyone to complete me, I know what may work for me – suitability, and now contemplating getting a person to spend the rest of my short life with.

I can’t settle for less

Spark, 23

I honestly don’t know why I’m still single. It’s probably because I can’t settle for less and I believe forever is too long to be unhappy. Nothing should hold us back in the name of love, we should go ahead and be everything we have been created to be in wholeness and fully.

There’s peace in single life

Sue, 20

I respect my personal life. I don’t want someone to mess with my plans, whatsoever. I wanna live without the need of making sacrifices in the name of love.

I neither want pressure of dressing in a certain way for a man.

Relationships have so much expectations and we keep choosing the wrong partners everytime. That is a messy life to live. Better be single and happy.

Greg, 23

Well, I have dated before and experienced this thing people call love. I actually think people date because they’re blinded by strong sexual desires which they term as love.

The reason why I am single is because I found total peace outside dating, peace from evil thoughts and emotions such as jealousy which couples often convey when their partners give others the attention they deserve.

This kind of jealousy is always sexual if you can do some research you’ll agree with me.

Conclusion?

DJ Missiles, 27

According to me many people choose to be single due to rejection.

While some people think that it is obvious for everyone to have a lover, some individuals, especially those with physical or mental complications are rejected, a situation which many people fail to admit.

Also, as one of the primary considerations of one’s suitor is physical appearance, some people are unfortunately viewed as ugly.

For instance if an individual is not approached in terms of love or if the person approaches several people and recieving negative feedback, he/she may give up on love, thinking that love belongs to certain people.

Any human being who lives, needs to be loved. Unfortunately, people with uncommon or conditions which are not easily considered by suitors, are rejected, either directly or indirectly.

Now, the victims who are rejected or think that they cannot be loved, do not reveal that the fact as to why they are not dating is because of their conditions, but they claim different reasons, to avoid embarrassment.