When Your Intentions Are MisinterpretedFebruary 2, 2022
I had been on this phone call for almost an hour with Belinda talking about the gender cold war that are evident in our current society.
She had just broken the news that she met a guy at an event she had attended. Apparently, the guy wasn’t making any effort to atleast take her for the first date and get to know her. All he wanted was for Belinda to go and Netflix and chill at his place.
It irked her, since she felt the guy’s intentions didn’t align so well with what she wanted. She wanted a relationship, a serious one. Like any other lady around this time, she didn’t want to be idle on valentine’s day. She wanted to be busy with someone’s son, get flowers, a chocolate maybe and a fancy date somewhere.
A good number of women out there love it when a guy goes the long way to earn their heart. They want to be taken for the first date, second date maybe and after she is comfortable around you, she will agree to now come to your place. It is the right protocol that gives a chance to know each other. Some first dates go south which leads to a cul de sac – you never hear from them again.
First impression matters a lot. How you carry yourself on first dates will determine whether you get the second date or get a block. It goes a long way; how you treat the waiters, how you talk, your composure, how you breathe, how you swallow and a chain of other anticipations from the lady.
Most men, however, are not willing to go this long way. They prefer to watch things unfold right in front of their eyes. They will hold you on a grey area for months while they figure out if you really tick their boxes. There are many other reasons why men prefer ‘Netflix and Chill’ to first date thingy.
A thread once made laps on social media of women confessing why they love going on dates with strangers. A good number of them admitted to suggesting first dates because – wait for it – they just want free food. Yes, you read that right.
You meet a lady on social media, the vibe blooms and before you know it, you are at a fancy restaurant somewhere in town financing someone’s appetite.
Double standards plays a major role here. The same way guys will not put their intentions straight up on the table and say ‘I want you to come over so that we may get intimate,’ is the same way the aforementioned ladies will just lure you into dates for the sake of free meals. At half time, the game is 1:1.
It is paramount to put your intentions clear. It’s sad to have hidden agenda towards someone who is wholly genuine to have something serious with you. There is a common overlooked question that is mostly used on dating sites, “what are you looking for?” I find it to be a world class question, even though most people disregard it.
Knowing what someone wants from the word go is essential. It saves you time and energy. Instead of playing Tom and Jerry games around the bush, just come clear on what you want from the other person so that you know if you are on the same page.
Sometimes a man will tell a woman to go to his place for Netflix and Chill because he can’t afford to take her on a date. He’d rather call her over, cook and watch a movie or two. Most times, this is always misinterpreted and mistaken for a bootycall. That’s not always the case, especially if someone has genuine feelings towards you.
Also, if a lady asks for a date to get to know you more, it’s not that she is a gold digger and just wants free food. Not always the case. She just wants to get to know you more before she can make other decisions like being indoors with you.
After all, a real gentleman will not rush to invite a girl over to his place. He’ll set a date first, get to know the lady, and see how it goes.
It all narrows down to being clear to what we want from the other person so as to avoid being misunderstood. Letting the other person know what you want or expect from her will help them be aware of what they are getting themselves into. It gives them a chance to reconsider their decisions.
We don’t want to hear “She just spent my money and left”, “He was just after sex” and such like Abunwasi narratives anymore.