The love I never had(version 12)

‘I love you, I’m tired of wishing this feeling away’

His name is Abuju. He was my undisclosed lover. For one year and six months, I lived my best life. In fact, this time would be our anniversary.

I enjoyed what we had with him, until he said these three verses, ‘I love you’. You are perhaps stunned because a girl would do anything to hear these words- you are right, I’m not just any girl. Don’t judge me yet, as you don’t know my story. Abuju was up to scratch with keeping us a secret. Not that we had other concubines, but we did not wish to brand what we had. I talked him into the idea. Our relationship was so perfect. I mean, his kisses were the richest, his hugs were the tightest, his touches were the nicest and even, he loved doing that thing I liked.

Our imagined relationship ended just because I could not love him back. I had a good reason. I promise. so l let the only person who understood me, pace away. I knew his words had changed everything and i didn’t know how to change back.

That was three years ago. I was damaged then. I just couldn’t love him back because I didn’t even love myself. when I thought I was ready, I saw him with her, who seemed mate, walking into a hotel holding hands. I wished they never looked happy but I could see his laughter in her eyes.

Now, what I’m left with is a picture of us watching the sunset. I wonder if he still does that. His memories keep fading away every time I see him with her and not me. I occasionally visit the museum to remind myself that everything has a past but the past stays in the past right? I’m sad mad. This grief has a gravity; it pulls me down. I will never get over him. The feeling of giving my heart to someone else is too much to bear. I keep on convincing myself that there is nothing wrong with shading a little tear but I still feel empty without him.

Just because he loved me till he busted.

I wish starting over was as easy as painting a wall.