Men,have dealt with me and when I say so,let it not be a cliché to you. Love is just another word in my dictionary only the literal part makes sense to me. Does this feeling really exist? How would you know that’s love which you sharing with your partner? How would you know that you’re in love? Which signs show that either you or your partner is truly in love? Once I thought I knew the real meaning of love but I was wrong maybe it was just lust. They all proved to me love doesn’t exist it’s just another vocabulary they use to please the ears and to finally get what was intended to be gained.

I always went so deep quick that my mind couldn’t think properly. All I did was to obey and do all things to ensure what I had built wouldn’t end. I felt that this ‘relationship’ was meant for the two of us. Sleepless nights because I missed his touch knowing I was meant to be with him yet I was in my bed lying alone. In his side he let this ‘love’ to fade away he just let me go by going to a new fresh start in just a wink of an eye. I didn’t want to believe that and each time he pushed me away I would always fight back for I couldn’t let myself to admit the truth. Thinking that he was meant to be with me yet this was a hopeless love that I had hold unto not knowing how I was going to collect my pieces and just elevate myself to move on.

This passed and I thought to myself I should probably move on because this loneliness was not an easy thing to deal with. This new one looked like that Mr. Right I was looking for all along. I was desperate until I decide to act as a house wife. Damn! I was hard on myself thinking I was the problem in my past relationship, I was so insecure. This had to work just as soon I was into it thinking all was well it slipped away from me without noticing I fell again and again. He turned out to be the wrong one maybe,I was not his match or maybe love wasn’t meant for me it hasn’t gotten along my way.

Life has to move on but I am still stuck in that same spot fear surrounds me. I cried my tears dry and at this point I really don’t care anymore just been on my own all these sleepless nights. My dream guy was crushed long ago and though friends have tried to hook me up but each time I always give excuses just not to go. I’ve many male friends but working to get love has never been a task i want to get along with. No, I don’t get along with love that’s how am reminded constantly whenever I dare think about going past that flirting.

People have judged me wrongly each time I say I am single. I’m given options it’s either I am a drunk, an addict, a slut or worst am a lesbian who doesn’t want the world to know. If say none of the above then I’m questioned because am so beautiful to be single. How will I tell them I’m a mess? How will i tell them being alone is better? How will I tell them food is bae?

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The first time I had sex seriously I didn’t get the meaning of what was happening all I felt was a lingo pushing in partly and then pulls out partly again after sometimes it pulls out completely .Sharing with friends was the most terrible thing to even think about because they were busy confessing how it was a two way feeling ‘sweetness and bitterness’ and how womanly they felt, so how was I going to spill it out? I was forced to lie to them due to the fact that an honest lie is better than a boring truth. I saw how they boasted that the love making period was their best moments surprisingly how they craved to make out each time they were free. All I could do was wear a fake smile like a lost soaked chick.

Until date I really have never experienced this feeling that makes you wet and have that sneaky feeling which leads you to surrender to every object on earth screaming all kinds of sounds, uttering new words if not talking in tongues until you get restless and motionless. In those few seconds all your troubles are no more what you feel is a brand new you fully motivated inside out.

Explaining this yet…It hit me real hard maybe I had a problem but well unfortunately I was medically fit and there was no reason for any sexual problem alert. At a point I felt like it was because of the knife ritual I underwent some years back [for it is believed it tames your sexual arousal ] but again some of my friends underwent the similar experience but they still had an orgasm. Where should I be heading to ?

My partner and I are busy enjoying the moment heading down to the significantly awaited moment for I was holding a strong muscle yet spongy lingo calling me to serve the hot meal which was busy spreading beautiful aroma ,the meal is elastic which was ready to be devoured. After washing lingo in my fertile crescent filled with silk it was time to rinse my mouth with pure milk dropping slowly from lingo’s jar.

It was time to eat the sumptuous meal so I open my fertile crescent to lingo for it is time. Only the lingo’s jar is busy flowing while my fertile crescent meal isn’t even finished only a portion of it has been eaten. Lingo is satisfied because the milk is emptied no more urge to bring another jar due tiredness it has fallen asleep. Fertile crescent is not happy for her meal was destroyed she can’t talk but I am unable to present her. I am emotionally blackmailed.

That’s how my sexual life has been for the past 6 years in different relationships .Yes I know you should talk it through with my partner but how can you tell a farmer who has worked on a piece of land with truthfulness and good intentions to make you happy but he is tired will you make him work again after completing ? I know the job is badly done but I have not paid for it ,it was a mutual understanding.

The feelings should be respected though I have not been satisfied .In this millennium funny that communication with our partners is still hard. Basically I don’t know the meaning of orgasm practically its only imaginary and worst that I’ve never even attempted to reach the climax. This sex thing is always complicated its better I read Chemistry all day and do Biology practicals with cramming the scientific names.

Gays on the other hand have proved they usually have 100% orgasm be it either lesbians or gays and that means this feeling really exists. I guess it is good to have sex with the wrong people to meet the right people. You know that singular act has made me pull off relationships not entirely but at least a good percent of the reason as to why .The fear of getting disappointed each and every time having sex isn’t making me have peace of mind. I am waiting for my superman to come rescue me from this sexual bondage where I lack pleasure of having orgasm.
MY CREW JUST BE PATIENT LIKE ME BUT DON’T TAKE MY ADVICE. Let us meet when the deal has been done.

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