Personally, I have lost so much in my life ever since my childhood up to date in my adulthood and I am very certain that we all as human beings have suffered loss in different stages of our lives, and that is part of our existence that we should all learn to embrace so as to have some peace of mind.

With different loss, we have hoped and prayed to gain something similar to that which we lost or something more greater in value. When we lose our jobs, we ask God to grant us another better opportunity. Similar thing happens when we lose our partners or friends. Sometimes though, we do not ask or wish to gain something that will replace that which we would have lost but rather, we ask for the courage to accept and move on from our loss.

Sometime in 2018 I happened to have lost so much in my life, my sanity and peace of mind included and everything seemed to work against my favor. There was this one loss that particularly stood out for me and that was: loosing my friendship with my best friend.

My then best friend and I had come along way ever since my first year in high school. She was everything I wished to have in a friend and being around her felt like home. She inspired me in various ways and she was one person I used to look up to because her confidence and intelligence was top notch. So yes, I must admit that the day our friendship came to an end it did hurt me. Infact, it felt more or less like an heartbreak from my favorite prince charming. To say that I was not affected by it in any way would have been a very big fat lie because I was crumbled and shattered into pieces. I cried day and night and lost my appetite an indication that it meant so much to me!

Looking back at it, she was my first and last best friend thus the reason why I took it very personal. It was an intense friendship that I was not willing to share with any other person but too bad for me my best friend had another best friend! and that did not sit well for me. It felt like I was being betrayed
I called off the friendship without her knowing. I deleted our conversations with her number included. I also deleted some pictures of her that I had in my phone. I was determined to let go of everything that would remind me of her and was looking forward to moving on from all the memories that I shared with her. It was one tough decision that I ever made and somehow I felt very uneasy with myself because you know this is someone that meant so much to me and now I was trying to learn how to live without her presence in my life. It was tragic!

As time went by, I eventually found a way of living my life without a best friend. Things went back to normal and at no point in time did I feel the urge to have another best friend. I was at that point in my life of letting go and moving on.

Two days ago, on my birthday, I woke up to a very unexpected thing. Can you all guess what it was?! Well, I bet you can’t he he. Anyway, I woke up to so many happy birthday wishes but aside from that I received a Facebook notification which I always overlook but on that day I found myself opening Facebook just to check what it is that they are actually notifying me about. In the process of doing that, I came across a couple of friend requests and among the ones who had sent me a friend request on my birthday, my ex best friend was one of them!

I was honestly surprised because I did not expect to ever get to hear from her again and now here she is wanting to be my friend, again! I decided to go through her timeline and see what it is that she has been up to since when we last talked. She looked fine to me and pretty as always and that is a good thing. When I was done going through her timeline, I went straight ahead and deleted the friend request! It honestly felt relieving and a walk in the park.

I know that some of you upon reading this article will start asking “why on earth did she delete that friend request?!!” it’s simple; right now my peace of mind is of more importance to me than any form of friendship or relationship whatsoever. That should also be the case for anyone who is reading this story, do not give second chances or crave for something or situations that once broke you.

Not everything that we lose should be replaced, but rather, we should thrive to find ourselves instead of other people so as to fill out gaps for us. Sometimes we lose ourselves while trying to search for other people and that right there is the biggest mistake we can ever make because NOTHING and NO ONE is worth loosing ourselves over!

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I’m certain that we’ve all been told if not cursed by those phrases at one point in our lives and it did play a big role in either lowering or boosting our self-worth. Let’s take for instance that time when you had a burning idea that you felt was going to be of great impact in your organization, football team, accounts class, charity group or even in our very own homes!

I’m sure you can recall how those phrases made you feel whenever it was told to you. Some of us may still be the slaves to those phrases even though days, months, years and decades have passed by. I mean how else can you explain the low self esteem that we keep experiencing, the inadequate self love that we show ourselves not to mention the not nonexistent self confidence?

Being told that we are not good enough often times makes us lose sight of how important we really are to begin with. It crashes every little hope that’s been keeping us alive, and in fact it can lead to suicidal thoughts. Then again, the same phrase when told to us can drastically change our lives, that is if we choose not to let the opinions of those who think that we do not have what it takes become our reality.

It’s okay to be told that you’re not good enough or you don’t have what it takes. It is also okay to be told that you’re not of any importance or your presence in this world is of no much value and other such trashy comments. What is not okay is for you to let the opinions of other people get to you and consume you. It’s not okay to play the victim by belittling your capabilities all because other people cannot see it in you.

The best revenge for those who told you that “You’re not good enough” is to work into bettering yourself so much and
proving them wrong. Did they tell you that your self confidence is not enough? Smile at them and say “It’s okay.” then go spend all the time in the world in front of a mirror talking to yourself until when you’re certain that you have reached the peak of self confidence there is. They told you your dressing game is whack? How about you change your closet in the best way you know how and roll on them the next time you cross ways.

Some people will always find a way of making you feel worthless but what matters is what you think of yourself. If you allow the opinions of others to get into your head then you are likely to live a miserable life. Instead, learn to pay no attention to those who only want to make you feel bad about yourself. Believe in yourself so much that you don’t get bothered by others not believing in you. Anytime you feel like you’re not good enough just remember the simple fact that you were the sperm that won the race so yes you have so much more to offer.

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One thing has stood out for me in my observation, the fact that so many of us if not all of us are ALWAYS complaining about how the pandemic has taken so much from us. Our daily life normalcy, hustles, schools, friends, families, places of worship, partying, human relations and connections not to mention our freedom.

All I get to hear about this, these days is how people feel stuck at home with nothing to do, how sleeping and staying indoors is boring (I still don’t understand how anyone can find sleeping boring, mahn too much or not, this is sleep we are talking about) how life without partying sucks, how eating the same food is tiring, how not being “laid” is bad for the soul among other so many complains.

However much the pandemic has affected us, I want to remind everyone out there that there is always, always something to be grateful for. Let’s take a moment and remind ourselves how blessed we are despite the challenges that we are facing due to COVID-19. The simple fact of us being alive at this point in time when others have lost their lives due to Corona and other illnesses is something to be grateful for.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and that’s why when we wake up each day with good health we ought to focus on such small favors bestowed on us by the Almighty.

Be grateful that you have food in your plate everyday even if that means eating the same meal throughout the week. As it is, the pandemic has affected our economy and at the moment it’s hard to afford every luxury that we could afford before. Accept the fact that you can’t always have everything that you desire, so if it is Ugali (cooked maize flour) and eggs that you can afford then eat it graciously and do not be an ingrate at any given time because other people are sleeping hungry every day for not being able to afford a simple decent meal.

Being stuck at home and not being able to go out from time and again is not interesting at all. Even so, do we bring ourselves to think how not having a home at all feels like? The other day as I was watching news, I could feel the grievance of the people of Kariobangi and Ruai who were forced to vacate their homes and were left with no roofs over their heads. Small children were sleeping outside in the cold with no cozy blankets to provide them warmth let alone a bed to sleep on. At the same time I cannot imagine what the streets children are going through during this pandemic, it must be really tough for them.

It saddens my heart that all we do is complain of how things are not okay and we forget that we are so lucky to be alive and with the basic needs at our disposal. How about we look at this pandemic from the positive side now that the negative is very evident, let’s take advantage of the current situation and get to know ourselves better. Let’s work on our emotional intelligence by testing how we respond to ideas and situations. Take time and check on your personal progress since the year started. Make time for a new activity each day whether it includes meditation, working out, reading a book, an article or learning a new skill.

COVID-19 is not the first pandemic to hit the world and it will not be the last. However long it will stay one thing is for sure, it will come to pass. After all, nothing is permanent in this life right? So why worry so much? Relax, stay indoors, maintain social distance when outdoors, wash hands and sanitize from time to time and put into action all the guidelines provided so as to prevent the further spread of the virus. Remember to always stay positive and affirm positivity in your environment because by doing so, the mind will be able to perceive the good vibes, the heart will believe it thus making life easy during the pandemic. Any time that you feel like complaining about a thing or two, just look around you and count your blessings because others are in a more difficult situation than you’re.

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Have you ever found yourself in a position where you so yearn to help another person or you feel the happiness, sadness, pain of another as if it were your own?

You may be asking yourself if it’s normal to be in such a position or better yet whether that type of people exists in this world whereas it’s naturally human nature to put ourselves and our needs first. And as surprising as it may sound, empaths do exist among us.

Empaths are the type of people who go out of their way to help another person who may or may not be in need. They have the urge that drives them into helping out whenever they can, or if they are not in a position to help they will find an alternative way of chipping in. One thing for sure is that they won’t let you go through a certain phase alone especially that which requires assistance be it mentally, physically or even financially.

Mash is a friend of mine who is empathetic by nature, one day a mutual friend of ours reached out to her and asked to be lent two thousand shillings and Mash had a thousand only to spare. To my surprise Mash went ahead and “fulizad” so as to be able to lend her friend the two thousand shillings. Mash’s story is a typical example of so many other people who have found themselves in the same scenario and responded in the same way.

Often times empaths are mostly taken for granted because they do not know where to draw the boundaries and thus there is an opportunity for the selfish individuals to suck from every bit of kindness expressed to them. But do we bring ourselves to think of the consequences of taking other people’s kindness for granted or the consequences of showing too much kindness? Misusing people’s kindness is not something to take pride in because it is common sense that people will not be coming to your aid whenever you ask them too.

Being too kind also and not knowing when to say ‘NO’ can be bad for the soul as I like to put it because one is likely to feel drained. In the same way too much alcohol, too much cigarettes and the likes is likely to deteriorate ones health, though I cannot say the same for Marijuana, so does being too kind, it can be mentally exhausting.

In the words of Maya Angelou “For you to pour into another person’s cup, your own cup must be full first.” That phrase summarizes the content and intention of this article, that however empathetic we are, we must know when to say NO without feeling bad or giving explanations as to why we cannot assist at any given time.

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Let’s go back to that time when you first got hurt but you still experience the pain till date. I’m assuming your mind has taken you back to your first heartbreak, likely, the time when you lost your loved one to the jaws of death, when you got displaced from home due to family feuds, or when you had to keep up with abusive parents or partners hoping that they would change one day but they didn’t, when you got body shamed because your physical attributes did not meet the expectations of the “perfect persons” assuming there are those who are completely flawless.

Do you remember how it felt then or even now, the way you wallowed in pain, how hurtful it was, you definitely thought that you’d never feel any better for your every nerve was filled with bitterness, the thought of suicide, revenge, vengeance, remorse and so forth, it probably sounds like that which you experienced huh? We all have found ourselves victims of pain to a point where we thought that it’s the end of our existence and that there is nothing more to live for. But hey, look at you, still here alive and kicking just fine.

I personally remember the one time when I got so hurt, it was when I had to grow up without my mother by my side when she lost her life due to health complications. And if I’m being honest I still get consumed with the pain of living each day without her. “Does it get any easier?” Someone might ask, but I’m afraid not. It doesn’t. Often times when I find myself thinking about my mother’s demise I normally allow the pain to consume me for a while before I can snap out of it.

So why I’m I bringing up the case of my mother’s death in this article, well, it’s because through it all, for all the years that I have lived I have come to learn that, nothing can harm you without your consent. Easier said than done, maybe and maybe not, but one thing is for sure, however hurt we are, or however much pain we keep on experiencing each day, nothing is worth losing our sanity for and especially our peace and tranquility of mind.

So what if you lost that job, or you got dumped, or got your heart broken, or you’re still living with your childhood trauma, or you still see your long gone loved one in your dreams, or you got shamed because you’re too tall, too short, too skinny, too chubby or whatever your reason of going through that pain.

To heal or to hurt is totally your choice to make, whereas you may not be responsible for that which pains you at the moment but you’re definitely responsible of how you choose to react to that which is draining you. If you choose to victimize yourself and self piety, the good news is you are allowed to do that, and if you choose to put everything behind you and burn bridges to people and things that only hurt you then the great news is nothing can stop you, not even the universe. Watching out for yourself first by not allowing other things and in this case pain to control your life is such a daring move that you ought to take whenever you feel like a certain energy does not contribute to your aura of well being, and remember, when the enemy is not from within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.

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