Nick Queep, Author at

DEAR EX

Nick Queep — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 00:13:06 +0000

They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” but a part of me died when you walked out on me.
You left me with a lot of in unanswered questions.
“Was I not good enough for you?”
“Was it something I said?”
“Did your love just fade like that?”
“Did you even love me in the first place?”

I know our relationship was not the best but we were happy. I was happy.
I know I was not perfect but I was doing my best. All I ever wanted was for us to be happy.
Do you remember how you used to sneak out to come watch the stars with me at our favorite spot?
We made wishes as the shooting star made its way across the sky.
I remember wishing that our love would last a lifetime. I guess not all wishes come true. We promised each other to never give up no matter what happened. I did everything I could to keep my end of the bargain.
You taught me how to love without condition, and I’m grateful.
Do I regret having met you? No I don’t.
Do I want you back in my life? Maybe.
Do I wish that we could get back together? No I don’t.

We broke up and it broke me mentally and emotionally. I hated love. I despised you for giving up on us.
I spent months trying to forget you, trying to keep my mind off the memories. Drowning myself in my sorrow. I kept running from the pain and the anguish and I kept Falling in the abyss. I became a prisoner in my own mind. The thought of you being with someone else was killing me. I almost fell in depression when I realized that I was doing it all wrong.
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I had to accept that I had lost you. It was hard but I actually did. I don’t hate you, you were once my great love. I cherish the memories we shared. Its a part of me.
I had to face it and burry you in my past in order to move on. You will always be a part of me. And I’ll always respect whatever we shared. Goodbye.

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DEAD INSIDE

Nick Queep — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 23:01:01 +0000

The sunshine before the storm
The glimmer before we blow,
The black out before we fall apart .
The real definition of insanity.
We mask our insecurity with guilty giggles,
We harness pain and sadness in our souls until they become numb to feelings.
We trade our souls to the devil for a glimpse of happiness.
We keep losing legit smiles,
We succumb to our pain,
Our paths are now trailed with unaccountable broken hearts.
Gone are our souls, with wind spring.
Our souls turned into a black hole engulfing other souls.
I’m too young to be staying up all night reminiscing and nursing a broken heart.
I’m too young to be questioning love and bursting nerves with insecurities.
I still have a long way to go.
I’m raising my white flag .

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HEART-BURN

Nick Queep — Tue, 16 Jun 2020 07:09:18 +0000

They say people learn form their mistakes.You are that one mistake that I keep making but I can’t learn from.
You’re that poison I keep consuming and I love they way it kills me.
You’re the fire that keeps burning my soul but I love they way it hurts.
Once bitten twice shy, but it would take more than that to push me away from you.
My friends say you’re bad for me, it’s a bummer coz they’re probably right, they saw me through a lot but they can’t see right through me.
I stand alone against my demons, but my heart doesn’t stand a chance against your fury.
You are my angel of doom, my queen of imperil.
You are the menace I can’t do without.
They say it’s voodoo but I’m just compelled by dark love.
I don’t know how you do it, but I’ll always be your knight in a shining armor to your rescue.
The fatigue in my mind is heavy but the malice in my soul is audacious but the will in my heart overwhelms and overwrites the loathe in my Heart.
I keep smiling in the face of peril and hope that It would smile back.

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BACK TO WHERE I STARTED

Nick Queep — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 09:00:11 +0000

Twice the happiness, thrice the loneliness.
Tomorrow will be better, is the hope we hang on to when our current situation pins us to the concrete ground where we started.
When things seems to be working out well you should brace yourself for the worst is yet to come.
When you’re flying high with the cranes and the blue birds, you should be ready for the mighty fall.
We were young and gullible and ready to venture and try out new things but the universe has a way of out doing us.
Now our circles are getting smaller, we no longer trust like we used to.
Our minds have been opened, we no longer love like we wanted.
Our mistakes became our stepping stone, our flaws are now our secret strength.
We rise from the ashes of our burnt souls.
We built our selves from scratch.
We grow knowing that it can all be brought down in a blink of an eye and we will be back where we started.

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FRIENDS + BENEFITS

Nick Queep — Mon, 18 May 2020 11:51:22 +0000

We built it all on lust and kept hoping that it would last. We were all in a hurry to make this work and in the way, we got carried away and now, our love is a mock.
We had so much in common yet we didn’t realize that whatever we had in common didn’t really matter in the real life.
It was friendship, a beautiful relationship, we were close, we were free around each other. The peace started wearing, the kids were now staring, as they watched us destroy whatever we had built.
We knew that it was not going to work but trying doesn’t hurt anybody, does it?
It was good until it wasn’t.
We chose to walk down that path knowing that we were putting our friendship on the line.
One question kept popping in my head like a notification every time I looked at you,” What if It doesn’t work out? Will I be able to look at you the same way?”
It was just friendship, the benefits killed love and respect. Now our paths are tangled and there is no going back.

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THE LOVE I NEVER HAD (version 2)

Nick Queep — Sun, 17 May 2020 09:32:53 +0000

Misreading feelings is inevitable especially when you are head over heels in love with her.
With you is where I chose to cling, would you hold me down? I would burst my speedometer every time you would call.
I’d stay up all night just waiting for you to wish me a goodnight.
I’d wake up early in the morning just to hit you up with a Good morning with a little heart emoji on it.
My Interests for you were always real, my intentions pure.

I remember one of your birthdays I got you a bouquet of flowers with your favorite chocolate, I thought you knew how I felt towards you with all my advances and timeless love. All hell broke loose when you called and asked me if I could come over. You wanted to introduce me to someone and In my heart and soul I knew it was your parents.
All hell broke loose when I walked in on you kissing this huge guy with a messed up hair line.
All I heard was “hey Bestie , meet Tony, My Boyfriend.” my head went blank and my whole world turned black.
I had read it all wrong, Now it’s just me disappointed with my broken little heart.

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I CAN’T FIX ME

Nick Queep — Tue, 12 May 2020 17:35:02 +0000

I can’t fix me.
We run from stuff we can’t handle. We learn when we trust then we crumble.

Every one has a sad story of a broken heart.
But every story varies depending on the depth of the abyss you fell in.

They say, everyone is single depending on who’s asking. Cheers to to the great people that respect the bond shared, no matter how small it is.

The wise say going back to your ex is like watching an old movie and expecting a different result but don’t they all say we should follow our hearts?

You went from my best decision, to my worst mistake. A lucid nightmare with shadows that give migraines keeping me up all night.

Shit got real really fast. You refused to accept me the way I am and tried to fix me. I was stupid trying to change for you, now I’m broken and I can’t be fixed. I’m falling from the peaks,listening to sad songs,reminiscing,trying to get rid of you, every bit.

They say the only way to face the monsters in the closet is if you open it. I guess I’ve got to go back to my darkest times and make peace with my demons. The only way to move on is to accept that you’re gone, but I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.

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