Ever given entirely and committed fully only to come to a realization that it was never enough? Yes, exactly how I’ve brought it at hand. I guess, sometimes satisfaction is never a game play for these guys. “Now that I’ve encountered the feel of a breakdown, can’t I play the cards right next time?” No question blew reliable other than this, each time I dragged myself down at the side wall of my room, as my hands fought to wipe the drops in my eyes.

I couldn’t help but reflect on how the entire situation had made me a better person. A whole new precision of myself had come to life.” Kumbe I’d been lost all these years in the name of love.” Happiness and loneliness had never tasted this sweet yet so relieving. How amazing was that. It had come to my senses that I had been doing it all erroneously, not by loving, but by loving too much; a fault that has been a sort of duplication.

The innocent highschool girl in me had been blinded by the empty affection of this guy. A guy who was filled with nothing but bare promises and swift lies. Trust me, I’ve never seen anyone play with words like he does. He makes you affirm that he can bring completion unto sight and reassure you of how your presence blocks the thought of having any other lady in his mind.” Upuzi tu!” I can’t imagine that I fell for it.

Resolutions that some endings are not always bad ain’t a scam, as I just found a new definition of love.

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“Be a woman.” Those were her trip-offs. To her, being a lady ordained that you couldn’t salute wickedness, plummetting to tricks wasn’t at your sight, conceiving was only out of tenderness, and most markedly, it meant that you were never going to be a victim of a love that never subsisted.

Look at me. I am bankrupt of the law. Not that I had no technique of averting it, but y’all can judge me anyway. Denounce me if you’ve never tripped and fell in someone’s heart and turns out you’re the only one in the setting. Do so, if charming for the wrong person has never been one of your faults. Impression found a new description; it was accompanied by weirdsm and pretence, all in the name of love. Not a single time in a lifetime had I grown this stupid, but huuuh! guess what, I had become a fool of his words.

“A buffoon” wasn’t even decent enough to set out what I had accorded, as it came to light that my situation was so inferior. I would pack myself for hours in the streets for that single show up. Every sticker at the side of my room couldn’t let a clue of him slip away.

Yeeees, I had failed mama, but I just couldn’t instruct my heart otherwise, because the heart wants what it wants.

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Blushes add up to hot lady points, but I can’t puzzle out how such combinations can be built without struggle. Stripped chin lines is what we’d repudiate but that’s actually what you’re gonna be served. Id be brushing you off if I spilled that it’s what I oftenly do, yet truth unfolds that I’ve been hiding under my own skin and running from shame. Actually, that’s what we’ve all been doing, and if reality check is what this guys want, then so be it, coz we’re no longer adding points, rather, we’re framing what actually enchantress is.

“Shepu nane” sounds sweet,not only when uttered, but it’s also the kind of attraction we’re addicted to. What if I told you that I’ve been working out for ages and instead,I lose my goal. What if I told you that I’ve been dieting for years, and as a result, I end up starving. You wouldn’t want to hear this,but what if I also said,I ended up in a plastic surgery room, in the name of impressing people or rather being liked by that hot guy.And in the end, it hits us that we’re all obsessed and not in love, because love knows no shape nor belle.

Long messy hair could be my description of cute, and your term as ugly, but we all end up in the phrase “it’s about what we love”. Comfy is way better than being overloaded with strains just trying to gain attention. Who said we couldn’t be noticed with our twinned matutas or simple braids with unapplied jell? Sometimes, we don’t wanna look okay, we wanna feel okay.

Walk out, or if you can put up seeing me in that same old grey skirt for as long as am in here, then you could walk in if you had ever subsisted.

Hot, pretty and charming is what we term as beautiful, but couldn’t we add happiness to that list too, coz we could be pretty just by a gleam.And of course, we all need such assurances, “I want you today, tomorrow and incase forever exists,count it too”. If not, please, cut me off!

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Then he stamped into my life, conveyed that completion could be thrice more than all I ever wanted. Each and every single run up we had was a cup full of promises. Wealthy promises and “starehe”, is what I had yearned for, but his was far much more than that. What could be more promising than happiness, laughters and eternal love? It would have been my delight to tell y’all that they came to pass, but you know what, maybe dreams are just denoted to remain as dreams.

It was at 11.50 am to be exact. And there I stood in my fine blue dress, my right hand slightly above my left, which was a fiddly posture, but he always termed it as stunning. He stood right in front of me, and to be sincere, his beard was the only thing I could perceive, as it was what always made him outstanding and probably the logic behind my feelings towards him.

It was at that moment when I keenly noticed how watery his eyes were and sadly, his stare wasn’t the one that crafted the liveliness in me. I was fully aware that am a flirt kind of a lady, but I was well assured that I hadn’t messed up this time. I just wasn’t ready to lose it all.

Airing out his thoughts and speaking his mind was the next thing I pined to listen to. Just before I vocalized a word, he held my left hand and held it even tighter than he had done before. Actually, I called it “his way of touch.” “It’s over.” These were his last words. It cut me deeper than I thought it would. Deeper than my mind, deeper than my veins, and infact, deeper than my cells. I guess I deserved it all. Sorry to say this, but afterwards, I had no story to tell than striking my friends with this frame, “yaani alibreak up na mimi in two words.” How could he have the audacity to do that! It still hits hard.

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Fear, trust,pain is what they’ve been through just just to keep our heads held up high,but don’t we put them to doom when we choose fame over shame?The shame of him having been recognized as your papa.I know of a man who toiled to noon just so I could be one of those high, not knowing that being his and part of him is the best I ever had.A guy who thought I had the most contagious smile,and having him is the best ride coz he’s always at hand on my darkest side.Saltless meals with him would be streets ahead than his truancy with our favorite snacks.

Family outings was nothing but an hallucination.A kind of living embraced by fancy outfits and expensive gifts,and even though he’d given more than enough,it was a craving I always died to satisfy.He would countlessly quote that sun scorches,a woundy body and scratched palms were the beats we needed for our songs to rhyme,or maybe rhythm wasn’t just a mere picture for our different worldsThey say,a hand of hard work is a man’s effort,then I guess I had been living a manly life my entire existence.

Back stabs is what they’ve always gotten,but still remain our right hand.What could genuinely be more astonishing than this?How could we let such humans slip, when they not only hold our blood,but our smiles and laughter’s too.Its at this point that we can see how beauty is drawn deep down by just a single crayon.

Random and rare thoughts is what keeps clicking each time.Those days when he would act as our superhero during our stupid childhood fights.Times when abuse was our daily routine and a thank you was just an art found after rudeness.

They say blessings recur, but do we believe in promised eternal ones? Then ones that wouldn’t mind payment in return, because at our current lifestyle, nothing comes freely and if it does, it ain’t worthy. So couldn’t we learn to appreciate the one free gift that has got no measure?A guy that would stick to us till the end, and if given one more life, I would give it to this man who deserves it best

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Dramatic meet up conversations
Who wouldn’t wanna link up with someone they’ve been attached to? A being that made bonding in different ways so serene. This would hit right in the heart; but what if they go about giving motives as to why they shouldn’t meet up, doesn’t it create suspicion? There just might be a concealed lie behind a truth said and a blackmail beyond every action.

Dry social media accounts
Isn’t it crazy going through someone’s social platform only to find nothing; no pics, no detailed bio, it’s just a mere reflection of a dead pan. I bet it doesn’t hurt airing just a little self exposure, does it?If this has once transpired to you,you wouldn’t wanna think twice that you’re being catfished.

Rejections to voice and video calls
Listening to your lover’s voice and gazing at their looks is one of the greatest pleasures in dating. Its an uncomplicated attachment; one of a kind, and giving excuses as to why both of you shouldn’t do that is insane. Primarily, is that even dating, coz if it is, then that’s not how it works. You might wanna look for a million reasons behind that, because you’ve just been trapped in a catfisher’s net.

Too much secrecy
We’ve all got secrets, whereby most of them are ugly. Nasty enough not to be exposed, but what I know is that defining who we are shouldn’t be one of them. If it happens that your partner’s definition of themselves is confidential, you just have no option but to step down because, damn baby, you’ve been catfished!!

Distancing family relations from your partner
We all wanna be a part of our lovers life, and by that we want to evolve bonds with their friends and family. The act of them brushing off your proximity to them may call for a “weight up decision”. I don’t wanna turn your hopes high, but there are chances that you’re just being catfished.

Most people undertake such risks since they’re not satisfied with who they are. Trust me, you don’t wanna get into that scenario.

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Relationships give a knock on the same door over again. Does it really matter if we hook up at ice cream shops rather than exorbitant dates? We all wanna have a love tale that we glimpse at in the movies, but no!! I ain’t gonna pretend uttering a foreign language in the name of being out with my guy.

Yeah, I said it clearly. Am not gonna pack myself in those mettalic chairs claiming to be having fun, when in the genuine sense, I just wanna combine both our plates served with the best meal order and throw it right at your face, pull you up and question you close, right in the eyes, “Boy, what are we doing, Let’s get out and have some fun.” Because frankly, dates are my worst nightmares.

Eighteen wasn’t the age for me to veer and clock to adulthood. And till date, I still persist that I embraced maturity at nineteen. I would wanna rewind us back to seventeen. To those adventurous days. Do you remember the tiny girl y’all saw walking reliantly day in day out, with that black trouser? She’s the one that was within an inch to spoiling herself at her teens.

Oooow yeah,,,”The Black trouser.”Not that it was the only fit I looked good on, but I had no doubt it was the most comfortable cloth I could find in my wardrobe. It was comfy enough to an extent that people’s opinions on my looks played no importance. I could roam amidst a thousand eyes without even a thought of looking at my back. Honestly, how can a lady spend an entire day without appointing someone as her mirror?

That was the self confidence I had, till I met this guy. A guy who only saw beauty in dresses and vast ear jewels. To be sincere, I couldn’t keep up with those stuff that made me endure a drag. But guess what, in a flash, I disclosed myself in a red beautiful dress with huge dark trinkets. That was the taste of despise, for I found no pleasure in that look. But since it moved him, did it really matter?

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Claiming that my dream guy contemplations are just typical, could be a total palter.Its one of those dreams you’d never wanna arouse from. A tall,dark,slender guy with lined up beards, has always been my perfect picture imagination of my ride or die man. And what could make him more striking if not with his glasses on? I’ve never found answers as to why I find guys with glasses so fascinating, and neither have I ever bothered to do so.

Mr.right could be your next door guy, your highschool baffie, but it never crossed my mind that he’d be my best friend. At first, I found it so awkward to call that guy that knows so much about me, the love of my life. Like, how could his heart be attached to mine, yet my flaws, strength and the weird part of me were in his tips. Occassionally, I could forge a side of me,so as to build the C.V that I thought I had completely destroyed in the olden days at his presence. Funny enough, that was the side of me that he had fallen for.

“Welcome to boy drama year.”These were the kind of lyrics that failed to balance the puzzles in my mind, contrary to the beautiful song inside it. How could I possibly spin friendship into a love affair? Not that I had no clue our late night texts would suddenly shift from “Hey bestie”to “Hey love”, but how could I possibly date my best friend?

Reality ain’t gonna play your favorite tune,your sweetest beats, nor your best dance moves. Rather, it would remind you that shit happens over and over again.”Fake it till you make it” is the vibe that we would wanna hit, when we’ve got no option, but this time I did it because of an irritrievable guy. Feigning that he couldn’t make my heart beat so much faster,was the most dramatic tale I wouldn’t wanna narrate. In pursue of initiating my feelings in pretence, I not only lost my Mr.right, but also my bosom buddy

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We all are in the opinion that “You Only Live Once” ,,but could we live over again? By that I have in view that we can enliven our dead side.That side that has got no turn on and holds our weakest spots for it contains grudges.Its got no energy for building our happiness

Charms wouldn’t exist for a lifetime. That guy or lady that’s been hitting on you like their life depends on it wouldn’t be doing so after several denials. Our papas and mamas can’t be there to cuddle us till our last breathe and moreso, doing things we didn’t do at our young age would be out of question because years already turned it’s back on us. Wherein nothing lasts forever,our heart beats till our final goodbye and still beats for that random person you’ve never been willing to acquit.

Fadings are real;visions, spans,physc and worst of all,our music tastes. This could hit harder to the music lovers especially those at their salad days. Gone would be the moments when we’d feel that there’s more life left in us. Couldnt we enjoy all the stuff that if left behind would be termed as self disappointments?

At some point,we’re gonna be low, we’re gonna loose everything we once had, our beautiful smiles, unending picnics, awesome dance moves, the beautiful figures that every lady craves for, and unknowingly, losing ourselves could be part of our greatest loses. Our faces would be the last thing people would wanna recognize. Regrets could be the most screwed up thing we’d do, instead, let’s make memories. Memories with those beings that make us part of them and that the world has levels of sunshine to offer, even in the dark. And in the end, we don’t wanna waste any single minute of a chance given.

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