THE LOVE I NEVER HAD (version 4)

If I were to be given options to choose on how my day would be then I’d twist the clock’s hand all over again. I had just healed from a heartbreak that almost crippled me and I was enjoying every sad song that played. The night was creeping in, as usual, my brother Eugene and I were out for an evening walk. It was that typical Friday evening when everyone is excited absolutely about nothing in particular. It has a different type of feeling and in our case it was more special with the availability of Fatuma’s Kebabs, which she always served with a smile on her pretty face.

“Oya buda! Mbele yako msee…cheza kama wewe” That was Eugene signaling me about some fine lass he had spotted right in front of me, and as the brocode rule has it in its subsection 35 and I quote “ Thou may spotteth but eateth not, through-pass is applicable under a memorandum of understanding (MOU),” it was his time to obey the rules and deliver the catch. It was now her, my strides and me to make the first attempt. In my mind, that would be the greatest day, nothing boosts a man’s ego like a bro’s dare and backup at the same time, there we were, strategically moving after her, my plan was to rush and pick up a conversation, a conversation that I hadn’t thought about but my confidence wouldn’t fail me. Just as foreseen, she was getting deep into the conversation, my plan worked.

Love is a beautiful thing and it works in peculiar ways at times, it was just two days since I met her and already on my mind I was seeing a soulmate, I felt the youth in me had resurfaced and every part of my soul was functioning fully. By Friday, a week after I met her, I already had our WhatsApp conversation pinned and her picture as my chat’s background. I was in love again, I thought so. She’d even agreed to come over to my crib for a movie night, she wasn’t even hesitant, I thought that it was her ‘simplicity.’ I’d then brag to my brother how I managed that easily. Not that I am physically challenged but at times when I manage to get the finest ones hooked it becomes an achievement, I bet mbogi can attest to this. Day in, day out I was deeply falling for her, every piece in our story was relatable and everything about her was fascinating or maybe it was just a syndrome.

I had taken her for a date and we were having the best of our time, laughing our hearts out like we owned the place. I had everything set before, just like in Puerto Rican soap operas, the room was dim light with a unique aroma that filled the room. I had booked the whole restaurant that evening and had professionals do the decor. This day would be great, I supposed. It was time to prove my ex wrong by proposing to the new found Love. After that, life would never be the same again, I had promised myself to settle as I had found Love. Did I mention that she was served her favorite drink? That was obvious, right?

“I’m sorry I don’t do boys, I’m a lesbian,” well, that was the end of it all, I was reduced to some Tom Mboya statue with a fake smile on my face while assuring her that I was okay with her. I got weak and my knees couldn’t kneel as anymore. She’d hid that part about her life from me, the deeper I fell for her, the more I was blinded to read signs. She got me, I had to understand her.

She is still an amazing friend and whenever we hang out I get tempted. I can’t get over her.