There are, however, some people who happen to get their exact rib and end up in a fairy tale ilk of a relationship. Looking around, love is more than just the list of qualifications that people stress themselves with. It is more of what you feel for that person, the chemistry and the vision you have for the relationship. In most of these dating shows, you’ll see hopeless romantics displaying the qualities they anticipate in their partners.

Some of these qualities go overboard and are highly unachievable. Perhaps, they are just overambitious or have watched too much soap operas that painted to them a picture of how true love should be. Most young people are not only looking for inexistent people to fall in love with, but they are also looking in the wrong places.

Which are these wrong places? You may be wondering. There are some places that you shouldn’t even think of when you are hunting for a partner.

1. Dating apps
Ideally, dating apps were intended to link up soul mates. When programmers sit down to create a dating app, they have singletons in mind as their target market. However, dating apps can be so frustrating, if not disappointing, to a genuine person who goes there with an intention of finding love.

The arena has turned into a hook-up hotspot, creating a very strong wall against true love. Participants in the apps have motives of hooking up rather than building bonds that leads to a serious relationship.

The moment you match with someone, they see it as a chance to slide in your inbox and throw there advances of getting under your pants. Whilst ladies complain of men on dating apps only thinking about sex, men on the other flip also grouch of encountering ladies who ask for money in exchange of coital benefits.

2. Clubs
it is good to unwind. Majority of people go to clubs and bars to unwind and cool off the pressure the week might have thrown at them. While at it, they happen to rub shoulders with a different people.

People go to the club with different motives. There are those that go there to just gulp down their life stresses with rounds of drinks, those that go to unwind, those that go to close deals, those that hope for a one night stand and then there are those that try their luck to find love in the club.

With all these different motives in one arena, it can be a really risky venture to give out your heart to just anyone. Especially to that one who came to relieve stress. Or worse, that one who is eyeing for a one night stand.

3. Dating shows
Watching a dating show can be so interesting. Partly because it comes out as a scripted show rather than a reality show. Listening to the qualities that people want in their partners can easily give an answer to why they are single.

Finding a match in these dating shows is not a walk in the park. Love finds us in unexpected times and places. Someone on a dating show can tick all the boxes of the qualities you displayed, but you’ll still need more time to get to know that person on a deeper level.

Similarly to dating apps, people can easily fake who they truly are just to fit in what you want.

4. Work place
Falling in love with a workmate doesn’t sound like a good idea. Does it? At least it shouldn’t. There are companies whose policies don’t allow colleagues to engage in intimate relationships.one of the major reason why this is not allowed is to maintain productivity. Have you ever heard of the street phrase that being around someone you love makes you lazy and less productive?

Work place relationship can be devastating, especially if you happen to fall in love with your boss. It can be all rosy and paradise when both of you are happy, but once things go south, be ready to also kiss your job goodbye.

5. Social media
Like dating apps, social media can also be disappointing. Social media users mostly share their winning side, their good-life side that they want you to see. They will hardly expose to you the other side of their life that is messy.

Some will even go to extends of pretending to be who they are not. They will share photos of themselves in expensive hotels, near high-end cars and even flash some life achievements. This can easily lure one into believing they are living their best of lives. Or that they are their best fit.

Don’t fall for such stunts. Always get to know the other side of life of these people before you agree to their advances. Most of them will approach you with the side that they want you to see so as to raise their chances of winning your heart.

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Most men are notoriously known of skiving this day by all means. They would chant of the men’s conference, forge an important appointment or sometimes just choose to go mute without a concrete explanation.

For some unfathomable reasons, ladies make this day to seem like it’s all about them. They will anticipate a date, gifts and princess treatment. They however hardly put in efforts to reciprocate the dealings.

Men’s conference, in as much as it gets hyped as a joke, some men use this as an escape goat. And tell you what, it works. There have been events that got staged on this day with the ‘men’s conference theme’ dangling on it. Robert Burale, a pastor and life coach is known to hold these events which invariably have a good turn up of men.

Funny enough, women also attend these events. Why would a lady show up on a men’s themed event? You ask. No one has an idea, yet.

In as much as women have expectation for this day, men also have expectations, just that they won’t openly tell you. They want to be taken out, gifted and pampered like baby boys, that they are. Of course, there are ladies that do this – gift their spouses and take them on dates.

The fact that ladies make this about them is the reason why men stage up these men’s conferences. Men who are in serious relationships will obviously miss these events, even though deep down they would wish to know what happens in such a setting. The singles who have a chain of unlabelled entanglements are the target audience.

Being in a polyamorous relationship can really sink one in a cul-de-sac come this day. The confusion of who to give the attention and spend the day with hits so hard. It only saves you if it’s a week day, at least you can use work pressure as an alibi.

The current generation hardly commits to relationships. They put their bet on different lovers to escape the heartbreaks. It is so worse that it makes it hard to find someone genuine with whom you can just be loyal to and do this love thing with.

Since time immemorial, ladies have been known to gift their men socks, vests, boxers and those type of things. Men might seem okay with you buying him boxers, but in real sense they want cars, a house, trip to Maldives and such. I mean, men won’t tell you this though – it’s an intel I just shared with you.

The question of whether gifting should be reciprocated is quite debatable. There are people who would wish to receive expensive gifts the same way they would gift you. There are those who wouldn’t mind whether the gift is expensive or not. It really depends on the person you are dating.

The best way to save yourself from disappointments and embarrassment is by lowering expectations. Appreciating your lover through gifting, dates, quality time is paramount. Understanding what your partner prefers for valentines is a topnotch skill that you should master. Also, it’s more of give and take – a two-way traffic, if you may. Ladies, at least surprise that man, make him feel appreciated.

Love is a beautiful thing, so they say. Valentines’ day is that appropriate day to show your person how much you love them. For singletons, you may use the day to appreciate the people around you; could be your siblings, your parents or friends. It’s not necessarily a day to show the love to your girlfriend or spouse, but anyone who deserves the love. Love is love.

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Well Valentine’s is never Valentine’s without the ladies and a man in love, you can tell by the rate at which girly stuffs are on sale while fast foods have better offers and roses are almost at every corner. Who is blind to not notice how busy men are in shopping stores. Seems like window shopping is their new hobby.

Apart from the general perception of what Valentine’s is all about and expectations, there are those specific expectations that women and ladies have towards this love month and to be specific on the fourteenth of February.

There is a norm that was turned to now an anthem that; Valentine’s is the day to get a gift for that special beautiful woman, yet there is more to what a woman expects depending on the stage of your relationship and timing. It doesn’t mean they no longer appreciate gifts, they do actually they are ardent.

First determiner of what your woman expects is to confirm her love languages. This is where most men end up ruining their valentine by opting the normalized Valentine’s culture of just grabbing a flower or a banquet.

Flowers are not that bad as a gift but most women will appreciate it being a supplement and not the main course.

One most important expectation that is underrated is a surprise engagement party. She will never say it but if you have been in a relationship for more than six months that’s the best news she’s expecting.

A vacation outside town. Who even said females are tedious and that exploration is not their portion, you had it all wrong actually most times this is where most babies are made. This helps in spicing the normal private life.

What’s more romantic than an outdoor date or dinner. Most guys don’t think this could be an option more so those who are used to weekly dates or the monthly ones but this is one of the secrets to having a splendid day full of good vibes away from people.

There is this act of service that alpha males and toxic masculinity is against but it’s worth trying. A little change doesn’t hurt and this includes preparing a special dish for her. There is nothing that touches a woman’s soul than to have a bite of her man’s cooking skills.

The last one being a dress, shoe, movie or a concert ticket or an appliance that she has been longing for. It could be an oven, toaster, coffee maker, washing machine, dishwasher depends on her interests.

As every man is dining to preparing what to get for valentine, the women should be on the move too to reciprocate the energy or even challenge the efforts.

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The old adage that goes ‘age is just but a number’ is stale news. More often, people who use that line are men dating older women or young girls dating extremely older men. They use the cliché line to justify their actions.

Living in an era where everyone is entitled to his opinion and anyone can do what they want, millennials are taking advantage at it’s extreme. It is almost becoming normal for a 20-something year old man to be in relationships with a 50-something year old woman. And no one will say anything to disregard the relationship. After all, even big names are doing it; look at the gospel artist Guardian Angel, and even bigger names like the French president Emmanuel Macron.

But does age really matter? Yes it does. And this is why.

First of all, the traditional societal set-up expects the woman to be younger than the man in a relationship. And that is clear, copy that. There is that biological aspect tied to it. And women will use that to nullify any guy pursuing them who is younger than them.

A young man dating an older woman may be peculiar in the eyes of many. It comes out as something alien because we are wired to believe the woman should always be younger than the man. And there is a reason to that.

Men are programmed to think of themselves as leaders and providers. For some unfathomable reasons, leadership comes with age. The more years you spend on earth, the more you become wise and experienced in different aspects of life, isn’t that so?

When a man is younger than the woman, there are more chances that respect will only exist in the dictionary. Why? You ask. Because his views and opinions might be regarded as childish and senseless. There are phases of life that dictates how we think, how we carry ourselves and even how we dress. A 20 year old will have different thinking scale compared to a 40 year old. And that is on experience.

As for young ladies dating older, extremely older men, it is clear what the intentions are. Many might sugar coat that love is blind, but what is a 21 year old campus student doing with a 70 year old man? In most cases this extremely old men are always rich and wealthy. You will never find that 21 year old young lady salivating for a broke 70 year old. The intentions here are transactional.

It is okay, very okay, for a young lady to have a man who is a bit older than her. Maybe 5 years or 8 years older there. Same for men, there are striving couples where the man is younger with 2 or 3 years.

What matters mostly in such relationships is respect and maturity. Here, maturity doesn’t mean age. It means being able to understand your partner, being able to solve issues like adults and being there for each other no matter what.

In as much as age might be seen as just a number, there is more to it than meets the eye. There is a street quote that goes, “you might meet a 20 year old that thinks like a 40 year old, and also a 40 year old that thinks like a 20 year old.” I couldn’t have put it any better.

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“I wish I met you before my wife” is the line most married men will use to lure young girls into having affairs with them. These men will lie about having issues with their wives and even have the guts to tell you they don’t stay together.

Two weeks into frequent dates and chatting with them, they will invite you to their home. At this point you already know that he wants nothing else but sex. Those who have housewives will book a hotel room for the two of you, just so they can escape the claws of their wives.

It is a daring experience. And this does not only happen between married men and young women. Married women have also learnt the ropes in the game. They have mastered the art of luring young men into the chase.

It is all rosy and paradise untill you are caught pants down. You have probably seen the many videos online of people being shot, stabbed or even fought mercilessly by their partner’s married lover.

In one video I came across on someone’s WhatsApp status involved two people having their good time in bed. Then later a guy storms into the room with a knife and starts stubbing the guy who was chewing his wife. The guy manages to kick the husband and escapes. The husband then directs the anger to the wife and stabs her to death. It was a sad one.

Having an affair with these married people doesn’t end well. People have anger out here, and they will direct it to you when you you cross their line.

Young people engage with with married people for many reasons such as:

– Sexual fantasy

– Financial benefits

– Curiosity

– Security

– Genuine love

Sexual fantasy

Fantasies are free, and everyone is free to have them. The older people have the fantasies of dating younger people. They wish to have the young energy restored. With this in their fantasy bucket list, they will go against their marital vow and engage with young people.

This also applies to young people. Young people have fantasies of getting between the sheets with older people. This leads them to get sugar daddies and sugar mummies so as to quench their fantasies.

Financial benefits

It is automatic that an affair between a married person and a young person is always transactional. The married person will offer money and other benefits such as gifts so as to gain the attention of the other party.

These young people will fall for that. The reality is, most young people are broke. They are in the line of applying for jobs, building careers and maybe still schooling. When a married person comes their way and promises money, they will just give in to the trap.

Curiosity

People are always curious to know what they don’t know. Married people will want to know how it feels being in a relationship with a young person. They will leave their wives at home and go fetch a younger girl at the club, just to feed his curiosity.

Security

Ladies love feeling secured. So do men. Security doesn’t necessarily mean being protected from harm. But here, security also means being financially sure, and not worry about anything.

The quest to have a financial security will lead someone to giving in to a married person.

Genuine love

Apart from it being transactional, it can also come out as genuine love. The married man could be genuinely in love with you. And vice versa.

After all, the line “I wish I met you earlier” could be coming from the heart. The only obstacle here is that the other person is married and maybe has kids already. But since you love them, you continue sticking around.

In most cases, married people will not tell you how dangerous the affair can get. They will only show you the happier side. The glittering side of life where money, gifts and sex are involved.

There are affairs that turn out well. Where the married party in the relationship decides to divorce or separate with the wife/husband and settles with you. This is a rare occasion. You will even here some telling you straight in the face that they can’t leave their wife, and neither can they leave you.

In instances where the married person is not ready to divorce or separate the spouse, you might end up being either of these two things, a clandestine or a second wife. The latter can only apply when the wife is not a psycho.

An argument was once raised on Twitter. Where a guy had tweeted “when the husband is rich, the wife will not bother even when he cheats as long as he comes back to her.” This aroused feelings in many tweeps. Many came out saying it’s not about the wealth or the money but the betrayal.

It is unfortunate that people take vows then end up going against them after settling together. It is roundly unfortunate that young people are losing their lives.

As aforementioned, some of these married people lie that they are not married thus easily luring youths into the trap. So many young girls have fallen in love with married people thinking that they were bachelors. Also, mny young men have gotten themselves in these traps where older women seduce them with money.

Like Bien of Sauti sol said, “Bibi ya wenyewe ni no go zone.” Yes, they should be voided, unless you want to go six feet under this early.

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The first day was the hardest. I remember crying in the shower with my hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t make a sound. Then I played someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi and belted out the words like my life depended on it. But in a way it kinda did. I needed a moment of surreality because everything else seemed like too much of a nightmare.

I couldn’t imagine life without you. We had made so many plans together. Named all our children and even picked out color schemes for our future home. When you left, I questioned my entire existence. I even apologized to the people I hurt most. I promised myself I’d never hurt anyone ever again and that I’d wait…Wait till I found the one, if he even exists.

Today I hurt you again. You said you wanted me back but I said no. God knows how I want to run into your arms and act like nothing happened. But something did happen. You broke me. You chose her over me. Over us. And that’s something that just can’t be undone.

You walked away from everything we had built. In a way I’m grateful. I’m grateful you let me go cause I know I could never have. I’m grateful you broke me cause from the ashes of our love, I found a greater love. I found myself. I found hope. As they say when you reach rock bottom there’s only one other way you can go. And that’s up.

So thank you. Thank you for holding me up when I couldn’t do it. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for all the memories.

I know it hurts now but I also know that it won’t hurt forever. This too shall pass. I might be numb and depressed now but I’m the happiest depressed person you’ll ever meet and I wish you nothing but the best in life..

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She had all the B’s checked: Beautiful, Bootyfull, Businessminded and Brainy -just the way a gentleman prefers. She however wasn’t into commitments – she never wished to be in a relationship and never dreamt of marriage.

We had a fairytale kinda special bond.

Dinner dates on Fridays; where we’d talk about our strengths and weaknesses, what we could do to make the bond extra special, how our week was and whether Jesus had a girlfriend.

Ice cream dates on Saturday afternoons were special, not forgetting to mention swimming on Sundays – of course after church.

She knew the right buttons to press. Her visits to my crib involved cooking together, listening to love songs, pillow fights, board games, watching movies, cuddling and explosive marathon of love making.

She had a voice that you’d absolutely kill to have in your playlist. We could sing our favourite songs together, smile at each other and at times kisses snatched us our voices.

Waking up next to her made my mornings golden. She’d kiss me out of my dreamland and whisper something in the neighbourhood of “goodmorning my love,” and I’d croak back, “Merry Christmas darling.” She’d then go to prepare breakfast as I headed to the washroom to multitask; yawn and pee.

Love had never felt that way before. I have never been to heaven, but I tell you, this felt like heaven.

Sorry? what? Why we broke up?

Oooh well, she became a nun.

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Relationships and friendships nowadays don’t last long because we are not willing to reciprocate favors done unto us. Can you remember the last time that you checked up on your friend either through calls or texts, the last time you bought your girlfriend or boyfriend a gift after they bought you one, the last time you took your woman out on a dinner treat just to show her that you appreciate her efforts of attending to house chores or your toxic masculinity has convinced you that it’s the women’s job to attend to your chores, huh?!

As human beings, we like to be shown that our efforts are appreciated as well as we love to be reassured by the people we care about that they too have got our backs like we have theirs. In that case we should always thrive to meet our partners, friends or family’s efforts at the middle instead of letting them do all the work. So the next time your boyfriend takes you out on a dinner date, volunteer to pay for the drinks as he pays for the meal.(ladies don’t even think of getting on my case on this one because it’s about time that we normalize helping our partners out especially when the both of you are benefiting) do the dishes after your girlfriend has prepared the food. By doing so, you’ll give her more reasons to keep on preparing the food even when she may not feel like it.

It’s about time that as men and women we understood that it’s not logic to let one person put in all the efforts as the other puts no effort at all. It would be better for everyone, as friends or otherwise when we take care of each other with an equal intensity. That way, one person will not feel drained or used but rather both parties will be able to appreciate each other more. I guess what I’m trying to say is, there is nothing wrong with wanting to help your partner in any way. Especially in our generation where everyone is so focused on themselves and the memes have made us believe that we are better off on our own because the truth is we are not.

How about you call or text your friend or partner first the next time they don’t check up, either because they don’t have the credit to do so or because they are the one’s who always reach out first. Buy your boyfriend a birthday present for the first time because it doesn’t hurt doing so, more so when he is the one who shows all the romantic gestures in your relationship. Invite that friend of yours out on an ice cream treat because they have always been there for you.

Do something nice for anyone that has contributed positively in your life, someone who makes you happy, someone who looks out for your best interest at all times, someone who takes good care of you, someone who treasures you. Take care of them like they care for you because 50/50 IS where it’s at. Always remember that.

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