Shawn and Diana were everyone’s mirror of true love. A facebook post could pop of them at serene locations having a good time, at times you’d bump on their pics on instagram feed in their PDA spree and on bad days, you’d always be fed with relationship motivational quotes on WhatsApp status – we all knew the targeted audience (in singular)of those quotes. The relationship was a whole telenovela and I was a loyal follower.

My shoulder was always ready to give her the comfort to lean on, as she vent – after all, that’s what BAEsties are for. This time round, Shawn was claiming that she changed, that she is no longer as fun as before, that she is acting cold and boring – last time, the issue was that she drinks too much and she needs to CHANGE.

According to a 2017 study on relationships by the PEW Research Center, it asserts that only 64% of couples are in a perfect, happy relationship. These couples fit together perfectly than a jigsaw puzzle. They have common interests, have healthy communication and a stable trust base. The study further states that healthy relationships are structured on your communication skills with your partner – how often do you complement your partner, do you open up, do you tell your partner when he wrongs and so on.

Millenials have turned relationships into a slavery spot. We want what quenches our desires, and ignore our partner’s. We give our needs a priority and forget that our partners also have void desires.

There is a question that we have all encountered. The question always strikes like the lightening of the southern end of lake maracaibo ( Geographers wassap!). The questions goes like, what do you look for in a partner? In my opinion, this is a question that promotes self-centred demeanor. Infact, if you woke me up from my sleep and asked for my take on this, I’ll still say it’s a question that powers narcissism.

I correct, everyone has a wish, and the wishes evolve as we grow old. When you were young, you once wished to have a foreign lover – international kind of love but with time we grow to accept reality and realize that all you can wish for is an African built guy with abs, well chopped jaws with a voice that Samuel L Jackson can’t beat – whereas the male version of you wishes for a lady wish curves like Monalisa, lightskin, soothing vocals accompanied with soft, red lips. Look at us now, in the right relationships with the wrong people.

What do you look for in a partner? Yes, you want all those qualities in your dream girl, but do you meet her qualification standards? Eeh? And if you don’t meet the qualifications, are you ready to change for her, or will you change her. Or…you’ll preserver the flaws? For a life time, maybe?

Before you think of an answer to that, the self proclaimed 21st Century Eisnteins claim, “if you are not dating for marriage, then you are dating for a heartbreak.” Over to you, will you persevere the flaws?

I watch Steve Harvey show quite a lot. Steve is a funny, wise guy – a very rare combo. I was watching one of his episodes and he went on uttering something worth quoting, “All men can change, but that doesn’t mean that all men will change. There’s only one woman whom we will change for. If a man is not willing to change, it means that you aren’t the one.”

Change comes from within. It doesn’t have a button that you press and oops! You change. It’s a process that involves the inner you. You really have to accept wholly that the new version will be compatible to your spirit – and not a forced intuition.

Love has forced many to change. Some change careers, some change habits, friends, character. This relationship-inspired changes come in two decisive forms. One, you might change because you want to be the best version for your partner. Two, you might change because your partner tells you to and three (oopsy daisy! I didn’t tell you there is a third one) you might change because of both the reasons. In as much as change is good (in favour of either you, or your partner) you should always have your mental health as a priority. Have it in the co-driver’s seat – buckle it up. You still have a life to live, you still have a life that depends on that change that you are about to morph.

Changing for love should come from within you, I repeat (I’d have two dollars now if I got paid a dollar for everytime I repeated this.) The committee in you must all sketch the signatures and convince your mind, body and soul that the decision is as worth as the person you are changing for. I will stick this famous line here as I close the door behind me, “if they want you to change, they don’t love you for who you are.”

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It’s not new to your ears. We have seen it from our traditions and cultures that men are direly expected to be aggressive, risk takers, dominant to command respect. We have also heard from people around us ranting that “men don’t cry.”

Haven’t you also heard that suicide is common among men? That men would rather bottle up their anxiety and insecurities than talk it out and loose the ‘man card’.

Toxic masculinity has been there. Infact, it was coined by the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 1980’s and 90’s geared to second-wave feminism.

The Good Men Project, an initiative that aims to challenge public perception of what it means to be a man in the 21st Century, describes toxic masculinity as a form of manhood that’s defined by violence, sex, status and aggression.

In the present world, ladies have been showered with empowerment whilst the boychild is left swimming in neglection and cultural norms that equate masculinity to control and aggression. The guideline released in 2019 by American Psychological Association for working with boys and men, majored it’s focus on traditional masculinity. Traditional masculinity is believed to power the men’s mentality of being stronger than women. It’s believed that being a man means not showing emotions, lest you appear weak.

Men cork guns against feminists asserting that they are trying to ruin the ‘man’s ego’, that they are instilling a weakling gene in men. Logically, detoxification of masculinity is an essential pathway to gender equality; the kitchen is not for women only, changing diapers can as well be done by men – I mean, I have seen ladies working at construction sites.

In papers, toxic masculinity has been blamed for rape, murder, online trolling, violence, terrorism and even climate change. The big question is are all men toxic?

When empowering the ladies, men on the other flip should also be reminded periodically that women are not sex objects, that resorting to violence does not resolve differences and also it’s okay for men to show emotions. Toxic masculinity doesn’t solely affect the boys and men who exhibit toxic behaviours, but also the people around them.

All men are not toxic and masculinity doesn’t give a green light to anti-feminity. You can be compassionate, anxious, emotional, empathetic and still be masculine. It’s about time men normalized talking out their emotions without the fear of being categorized as a sissy. Right about now, men should shun homophobia and fragility when fellow men don’t display typically masculine traits. Men, “boys will be boys” is never an excuse for bad behaviour, violence or aggression, and the next time you watch Luwi crying on Maria, just join him bruh.

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It’s nothing new to the ears. Universities have morphed from being centers of growth and knowledge into a big open brothel of perverted souls, fornicators and adulterers. The free hugs shared after every lecture is worth enough to allow the pants to meet the floor. The weird looks that students knot with lectures are enough to earn them good grades – and that means, they’d switch from attending lectures to attending coitus appointments.

Welcome to reality.

A large number of ladies in campuses fall into these traps. It all starts in classes, before it ends in bed, sometimes in VCT or the grave. They are hardly able to escape the claws of the hungry hyena. One, because hyena has experience in that jungle and two, because hyena has power to make your certificates look miserable.

The hyenas are invariably married and have kids. They have kids quite the same age as their preys. But that doesn’t bother them at all. They wear dark shades to reality and put their sexual desires in the forefront.

However, sometimes their actions are triggered by their preys. There are students who will seduce lecturers. They will openly voice out their ‘grievances’ in the crowd of the class, and even accompany their words with suggestive fidgets. As if that’s not enough, they text the hyenas in the hide of asking for notes of a certain unit, or clarification on forged intentions. And since the hyenas have experience, it doesn’t take them long before they flip the tables and the hunter becomes the hunted.

Whenever such topics are discussed or addressed, the male character is always the lecturer and the female the student. On the flip of the coin, the situation is the same to male students. The female hyenas are no exception to these trade. Male students are neither absent in this reverse pursuit for grades and financial greed.

Sexual lecturer-student relationships are a nightmare. It might look blissful to slay around with the financial status bestowed by a lecturer, or the good grades earned through moaning, but not until you contract STI or AIDS, maybe pregnancy. It could be fun and sweet to bed a younger soul, not untill your own daughter or son go through the same. They say Karma is a bitch?

Good grades can still be attained without the shortcuts. Normalize being content with what you have. You come from a struggling background? That lecturer should not be your financial pillar, the price is expensive- study and get yours! Normalize being content with what you have. You, yes you professor/Mr./Mrs. respect your marriage, respect your students, respect your career!

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Fuckboys have multiplied. I would wish to call them Brayos and Kevohs but that’s cliché.

They will clad in grey sweatpants that advertise their ‘cassava,’ bounce in those heavy, gigantic Balenciaga shoes and sweeten their mouths with words that are sweeter than honey.

These boys will snatch your girlfriend and still smile at you to signature the brocode. Here is the catch though, they dress to impress and snatch to fuck.

Innocent girls have fallen victims to these ilks. They get lured into their world with their way of fashion, their way of speech, their lifestyle and when it finally dawns on them, the boys will have scooped the cherry and stepped on the trail.

It’s not new. Hyena has always been gluttonous. Fisi ni fisi tu, ata akue ameshiba.

Kevoh, who is doing it for prestige, will ‘bed-down’ copious damsels. He will eat after he has eaten. He will make sure he has slept with your ex-girlfriend, your current girlfriend, your side chick and even your future girlfriend. After, he will be praised for being the master of that art. Torrent of respect and myriad of applause will be rained on him.

It’s sad how guys get all that applause for such stupid acts and make girls look like they erased dignity in their dictionaries. Whilst the boys are being praised, the girls get entitled ‘hoes.’ how sad.

The world is changing. Let’s flip the coin. Girls also want orgasm. And they really want it too. They are also becoming mafisi. They will trap you into coitus then make you feel as if you are the one who used her. But in the realest sense, they used you, and of course, you will be a topic when they meet to plait Shiko.

In this era, you are either single or promiscous and if you are not, you become an outcast.

Most heartbroken individuals are the ones who morph into such demons. The anger and pain compells them to give in to every guy and sweep off every lass on their way.

Such acts has led Caro to abort countless times, Deno to be a young father, Grace to be a HIV transmitter and Stivo? He died. He was experimenting with viagra. R.I.P.

Embracing true love is something that we can all do. We can all be at peace when we stop being greedy and focus on one person, that one person that we treasure. True love exists.

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Freshers night (some call it fresher’s party) is the ‘initiation day’ for most of these innocent-highschool-graduates. In every campo, college, or polytechnic, the entertainment director organises fresher’s night with the intended motive of making the freshers enjoy their welcome to the new life. But… You think team mafisis are on that same page?

This is the day when that holy damsel from kiambu tastes alcohol. The day when that kisii guy gets himself in a brawl and lose his teeth. The day when that coast muslim girl gets her virginity taken by a fourth year. And what happens to that luhya guy, that guy who received copious advice from his folks before joining campo, he survives the devil’s claw, coz he preferred staying in the hostels masturbating.

Not all freshmen go to have fun. Not all. Whilst their fellows are out there twerking to “figa” and “wamlambezz”, they’d rather sing along to ” this is a move” by Tasha Cobbs.

That holy damsel from kiambu who tasted alcohol (and probably made it her favourite drink) becomes the ‘tanker’ (she now becomes a religious drinker.) That kisii guy who lost her teeth starts living with insecurities. He covers his mouth whenever he smies, or laughs. That coastarian that gave her virginity to a fourth year Upgrades from students to sponsors. Trading her kitty for money. During the day, she camouflages herself in a hijab, ooh yes, she was a muslim.

Freshers night in it’s diversification brings together people with different motives and different mentalities.

Such nights begets the demons in people. Such nights instills demons in people. They are the best nights to change from a pastor to a thug, from a nun to a prostitute and … from a sissy to a bruce lee.

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Relationships have become void. True love is only found in movies and romance novels, atleast in this era. Girls are multitaskers by nature, they know the art of juggling multiple lovers at a go. Men, on the flip of the coin, have learnt the creativity of flipping countless damsels in one night.

I have a female friend who was in a 7 months relationship but only came to know of her boyfriend’s girlfriend whom they have in a 2-year relationship. Twisted, no? She found them in a compromising position – the girl on top of him ‘coconuting’ the ride! “I felt confident till the bitch yelled they were ‘celebrating’ their two years anniversary” She said.

Love is becoming a debacle for every soul and the innocent ones are on the receiving end, getting heartbreaks after heartbreaks.

It has become almost null to find someone with one loyal lover. Everyone seems to be getting comfortable in being entitled unfaithful.

Sex, a component of a healthy relationship has become like a greeting. ‘You want it, schedule a day for us.’ Sex has become easy to get. The ’till marriage’ mentality has burnt into ashes! No one is patient. Life is short after all, they’ll tell you.

And then you’ll wonder why the rate of HIV/AIDS is on the rise? You’ll wonder why early pregnancies has become more common than unemployment in kenya? You will?

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I don’t know Allan, I have never met him before. All I know is that Allan was dumped while we were in a matatu on our way to CBD.

I was sitted a seat adjacent-behind him. I tried to fight the urge of peeking at his enormous Samsung gadget but the lingering thirst led me to helping him read his WhatsApp texts. He had a good English on text, at least, you could hardly tell that by looking at his coal-dark complexion, protruding eyes that hid behind clear glasses and a cheap way of dressing that they call ‘keeping it simple.’ please don’t judge these books by their covers!

“You are a player Allan! Don’t even try justifying that!” A text read.

“But I explained to you I don’t know how it got itself there.” Allan typed, then swiped back to check other messages. He unread the two chats that stood pending then tapped on BOOBEAR.

“It’s over!” Boobear had replied.

Allan kept typing and erasing, typing and erasing, typing and erasing. Typing and….

I really wondered what was going through his head at that very moment. I took a break to look outside the window as Allan contemplated on how to reply to his Boobear (at this point his current ex.)

When I ‘giraffed’ back to his direction to continue following, Allan had only typed “Can we …” He kept his two thumbs ready to type but it seemed no explanation nor idea came to his wits.

He deleted the text, then made it clear what exactly erupted the strife, ” that G-string has been in my room for the past two weeks, I personally thought it was yours, I cant play you, please understand me, hear my cry Rita.”

“I can’t have this conversation now!” Rita replied, followed by the emoji with a zipper on it’s mouth.

“Are you for real? We had talked about this. Can we just sort this once and for all? We can’t live like this” Allan tried his luck, pushing every apologetic button.

“It’s over!” Rita concluded.

From my comfy audience position, I noticed Rita’s exquisite profile photo disappearing.

Allan tried calling her but “line busy” popped up after every attempt. I felt like taking the number and try calling her myself to help a brother, ya know. Maybe luck could shine on me.

He finally clicked his gadget’s power button then slouched back on the seat, divested his glasses, flashed his palm across his temple then wore back the glasses.

I was pulled back to reality. I was still stuck in the snail-pace Nairobi traffic.

I felt like tapping Allan shoulders and whisper into his hairy ears, “take heart bro, Go for that girl who left her G-string at your place, she had all this figured out.”

But could I?

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Recently, there have been these screenshots doing rounds on our social media platforms, origin being Betty Wahome, on Instagram as @bett_wahome. Individuals have gained the courage to address the awareness of this dreadful virus through Betty. It is devastating if not traumatising to get wind that most of these fine, bootylicious ladies and hunk men are among the vessels of this dreadful virus, hey I mean, you can’t know who has and who doesn’t – they are all smiling the same way!

The stories and ordeals on the screenshots can make you abstain or even become a nun, instantly. Just a read through them gives you chills and your mind immediately flashes back to the last time you smashed – and whether you had protection on or you slid raw! 

It’s a good thing (I lacked a proper word) to address these issues, and equally important to know your status. In one of the screenshots, this lady says she never knew she had the virus untill she went to a party with her husband and in what seemed like a sexual accost from her husband’s friends is when the news came out that her husband is not only gay but also has the virus! How sad!

This thing is real! It’s out here and spreading soooo fast. You might be loyal and faithful to your spouse, but is he/she faithful as well. You might think since this mama has a fine ass, she thick, she light skin and looking healthy that you can smash her raw oblivious of the status, bruh you tripping! HIV is not a tattoo on the forehead, it’s not written on the genitals either. 

Campus students have been the most victims in these ordeals, at least with the stats from @bett_wahome’s IG story. They get involved in unprotected sex with the lecturers in the name of getting good grades, they smash with sponsors in pursuit to live a fake lifestyle, they give in to dudes and ladies in the club oblivious of their status and some even have the balls, yeah right, balls to spread it knowingly.

Betty has given us the scope of what’s really happening out here while you are busy smashing random girls and sleeping with someone’s husband. 

With that said, we have only two fat options: Abstain or use protection. Know your status before you upload your sponyo on your status, Kumbaff!

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