I’m not her

I’m not her

March 13, 2020 1 By Nims Muchemi

Did you know I’m not ‘her’?
I will not once be ‘her’.


I might need you to be a good custodian of my secrets for the reason that I talk in my sleep. I know you visualised ‘her’, who enjoys been spooned to bed. The one Divinity chooses for you, will probably take three quarter of the bed. I bet you imagined her as a sleeping beauty. I change bed positions as many times as I think of you and I mean, I’m always thinking of you. I’m really sorry about the closet arrangement. I will probably give you two drawers that I have a strong idea, you will grow to be at ease with. I bet ‘her’ was going to kiss you when you are asleep- romantic right? Babe that can only remain in movies. Go and brush your teeth, your breath is unpleasant. I’m open like that. I don’t know where to stop so I might need your guidance because I can be intense.

I am not ‘her’. ‘Her’ that you have been fantasizing about. ‘Her’ that loves to be taken out for Valentine’s day. Babe, that’s the only day in my life time that I don’t like to play dress up. For your information, I hate flowers. I hate their perfumes and it drives me crazy that people use them to symbolise situations. ‘Her’ that is a dancer. Love, I have two left feet but I will not say no to a wedding invitation, I will probably shame you when we dance to ‘mugithi’.

‘Her’ lived on high expectation. ‘Her’ is getting out of hand for I don’t know why someone would want to close her mouth when she laughs. It’s not supposed to look cute, come on. ‘Her’ made you think that you will have peaceful nights. I snore pretty hard. ‘Her’ who perceived herself as perfect. I will fight you every time I don’t feel appreciated. I am crazy when I don’t feel like I’m given enough attention. I don’t remember to switch off the lights when I’m out of the room. I will say as many sorry as you want to hear but I think the solution to all these will be for me to take on the responsibility of paying the electrical bills. I don’t like public display affections so you will have to dismiss what ‘her’ made you believe. That you can smooch me in public? our weeding day will be the only day that I will allow you to damage my lip bum when five hundred and more people are witnessing.

I’m glad I’m not ‘her’. ‘Her’ that made you believe in perfect. Our little imperfections will be our new perfect. She made you believe that you want a slender woman with a flat tummy and big bottoms. I don’t have a big bottom but I have a big heart. I don’t have a flat tummy and it’s okay because I will never want you to sleep on an empty stomach. I will never be slender because I will join you at the table for all the meals. You will need to buy two pairs of socks because unlike ‘her’, I don’t steal your hoodies, we will share anything that fits me too.